I have been a mom twenty-one years. I fell in love with both of you even before you took your first breath. As you grew inside of me I never realized that once you were out in the world, how much a part of me you would always be. I have lived my life as best I could to be a good provider, role model, disciplinarian, educator, entertainer and all around kind and generous person. However there are things I have taught you that I wish you could forget. Things like heartbreak, fear and pain. I wish I could take those things away and hide them from you forever, but life doesn’t work that way.
Here is my hope for you, now that you are old enough to hear how I really feels about being your mom:
Truth be told I had no idea what I was doing at first. Some days I still don’t. I read all the books and magazines and made my lists and tried my best for things to go according to plan. Unfortunately for 99% of the world, that very rarely happens. Life happens. And while I was trying so hard to be a good mom, I was also trying so hard to find myself. I had you both at a young age and I grew up the same time you did. I wish that wasn’t the case, but it is.
My hope for you now is that you are better than I am. You are braver. You do not settle for less than what you deserve. You take the kind-hearted souls you were given and apply the opinionated, bullheadedness to all you do as you’ve applied to me while growing up. I want you to succeed at whatever it is in this life that makes you smile. That makes the light inside you shine and glow and permeate into all you do. I want you to dare to dream. To believe in yourself so fiercely that you never back down until you get what you want. I want you to take the innocence of who you are and discover a life worth living. Not when you are 40 or 45 or 50, but now. Experience life. Travel. Make memories. Laugh so hard your face hurts. Cry so much there are no tears left, but cry over things that move you, things that inspire you, things you love. Do not spend your days crying over things you have no control over. This life is too short and as you get to my age you will understand what I mean.
You will want to look back and tell your children to be even better than you are. To strive for more. More Honesty. More Happiness. More Genuine Connections. More Love Filled Moments. More Inspiration. More Determination. More Drive. More Balance. More Peace. The more in life is not made up of money and things. The more in life is made up of love. Love for yourself. All the sayings are true. You cannot love another until you fully love yourself. Love for your family. Love for your friends. So don’t waste your time on anything or anyone unless they bring an added joy to your life. And allow yourself to constantly grow and change and develop and never stop learning. Life. This life. Only comes around once.
You two are the biggest blessings I could have ever imagined having in my life. But don’t ever strive to be like me. Strive to be better. Strive to be you. Because there is only one you in this world and there is no real way I can put into words a mother’s love only that I will be forever be connected to you. Just like in those first months together when it was just you and I. Quietly our bond was built and it can never be broken. The love a mother has for her child runs so deep, it knows no boundaries and it holds no expectation other than to love. As unconditionally as a human being can love another person.
As this Mother’s Day approaches, I reflect on no other aspect of motherhood other than the pure and utter amazement you two have brought to my life. A sense of purpose, a sense of awe, a sense of being a part of something bigger than myself. Being your mother is truly the most worthwhile, rewarding, challenging and inspiring things that has ever been bestowed on me. I take great pride in who you are and where you’ve been and where you are going. I look forward to seeing where this life takes you and to watch as you steer it in all sorts of directions and make your own way. One could say we did not choose each other, but that would be untrue in my mind. I have chosen you every day for as long as you’ve been alive and I will continue to choose you, day after day as I feel blessed to be a part of your journey.
With My Heart Overflowing with Love,