I Don’t Wanna

I realized today, at the age of 42 that there are things I no longer want to do. I find myself saying more times than not “I don’t wanna”. Maybe not necessarily verbally, but in my head and always to my best friend. Here is a list of things I’ve said to myself in my head over the course of the last few weeks that I don’t wanna do anymore:

  • I don’t wanna go to work
    • I want to sleep in and make coffee and sit on the deck with my face in the sun. I want to take afternoon naps and write all day and make delicious meals and not pay attention to the clock
  • I don’t wanna pay the bills
    • I want to keep my money for important things like wine, and travel and my ecigs. I want to always have money in the bank and not worry about electricity and cable (except when GOT is on)
  • I don’t wanna be in charge
    • Why can’t someone else make a fucking decision? Why is every single thing up to me to figure out?
  • I don’t wanna be an adult
    • I’ve had enough. I thought it’d be fun, but this shit is hard and I’m not down for it anymore, it is definitely not all it’s cracked up to be
  • I don’t wanna go to your baby shower or engagement party or kids birthday party
    • I know I have to and I’ll continue to go and I’ll get a gift and smile and be funny and charming and happy for you, but I want to lay in my bed or on the couch or in the sun and not spend my money on something you will never use.
  • I don’t wanna go to church
    • I love church, I really do, going always makes me feel better, but doesn’t God know where I live? He’s been playing not so funny jokes on me my whole life now all of a sudden I need to go to HIS house in order to let him know I believe?
  • I don’t wanna make dinner
    • Cooking is one of my passions and I’m really good at it and it helps relax me, but some days I just don’t want to cook. I want to come home and the house smell of food and the dishes be done and just eat without having to do anything.
  • I don’t wanna watch your stupid show
    • Yes, I am a GOT fanatic, a Law & Order addict, but I don’t want to watch Bad Girls Club or Housewives of someplace where they’re not really housewives and most of them aren’t even wives!
  • I don’t wanna parent today
    • Seriously call your father, call reinforcements, call the Ghostbusters but stop calling my fucking name!
  • I don’t wanna listen to your issues…..again
    • We all have issues, we all need to talk about them to get them off our chest and get some sane advice, but I’m tired and if you aren’t going to do anything about your issue can you just shut up?
  • I don’t wanna to be right all the time
    • I’m sure it appears my need to be right surely outweighs my ability to keep quiet about being right, but for once, I’d rather be wrong. Don’t listen to me, don’t take my advice, just keep assuming I don’t know what I’m talking about at least for now I’ll get some peace!
  • I don’t wanna listen to that music
    • Yes I have a wide variety of music tastes and I can sing lyrics from Ella Fitzgerald to Fette Wap, but I do not want to listen to THAT! I am officially old.
  • I don’t wanna smile
    • Sometimes I don’t feel like smiling, sometimes I just have resting bitchy face. It’s just my face, if you don’t like it, stop looking at it!
  • I don’t wanna be the bigger person
    • I want to throat punch you and feel better. I want to take the low road and be petty and judge and gossip and be awful sometimes, sorry I just do.
  • I don’t wanna change my style
    • I like how I look. I think I look pretty good for a 42 old so stop telling me I’m outdated, you’re outdated. I look fine. Trust me. A scarf is never outdated.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll write about what I wanna do, but for today it was easier to tell you all I don’t wanna do. Now stop asking me to do it! I don’t wanna!

What don’t you wanna do? Tell me now!



24 thoughts on “I Don’t Wanna

  1. I don’t wanna sit in the little room at the doctor’s office for 1 hour and 15 minutes and then act not pissed when the doctor finally comes in.

    I don’t wanna hear every detail about your dream. ZZZZ.

    I don’t wanna bless you when you sneeze 50 times a day.

    I don’t wanna have a boss who writes and spells on a fourth grade level.

    That was just today πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I loved your list B U T mine would be totally different. At 67 I started a career because I love to work, to get up early and go to bed very late. I love being in charge and taking the responsibility (Type A personality — gotta do it yourself) Love to cook and trying new recipes and well, you get the pic. The only thing I don’t wanna do anymore is hurt. Far too much pain in my life and at my age, I need it to stop. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love this!! I can relate to so many. Making dinner and listening to the endless issues of others come to mind. Your piece is so great and relatable. Its also brave. Thank you for validating that I’m not the only one.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Well at 59 with the big 6-0 looming next year I probably don’t wanna get old so I’m doing everything I can to stay fit and active. Life is too short to do things we don’t want to do so go for it!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I can relate to all your ‘I don’t wanna’s’ but I think my favorite is ‘I don’t wanna be right all the time.’ It is exhausting to always have the answers and be the expert on everything. What a flood of serenity can flood in if you let other people find their own way without needing you as their life’s tour guide. Ahhhhh!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I don’t wanna like this…I wanna LOVE it! I don’t wanna say yes to self-discipline and no to self-indulgence! I don’t wanna understand anymore when you are “in a bad place” and can’t answer a freaking text with a simple “yes” or “no” and not leave me hanging for two weeks. Unless that bad place was one where you had no cell signal, I don’t want to hear your explanation! And I don’t wanna pretend that subject and object pronouns don’t matter because they freaking do! Otherwise, I’d write me don’t wanna! πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

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