And so it began. My grocery list of what I wanted in a man could be checked in tiny boxes on a computer screen as I laid in my bed, eating chips and watching the biggest loser. Smoker – I don’t care, Drinker – well…yea, Job – must have one, Height – there aren’t too many men up here in my neck of the woods so yes, he must be taller than 5’11”. And on and on. As I created the man of my dreams like Dr. Frankenstein I realized that with every question I somehow turned it into a negative. As the list grew I was actually deciding what I didn’t want and what I could live with rather than a wish list like on Amazon. Of course he had to have a job, who wants to support someone right out of the gate? Yes, he had to have all his teeth cause I loved to cook and was not planning on making liquid meals just yet in life. Yes, he had to have his own transportation, why is that even a question? Is he planning on driving me home on his bike! You cannot make out in a car if you are on a bike! Then it got into specifics…..brunette, blonde, eye color, weight, body type. At this point in my life all I really knew was that I loved men. All men. Tall ones, short ones, light ones dark ones, and everything in-between. I loved men. Not all at once of course, but one at a time. I was an equal opportunity lender, but I was not a multi tasker. I only had energy for one man at a time. That’s why I always knew I would be faithful, I had enough trouble having energy for my real life let alone creating a secret second one. And if I were to create a secret second life I would be a super hero, not just have two boyfriends, the thought seemed so less grandiose when you put the option for super hero next to it. But there was not a box to add-on the checklist for “Knight in Shining Armor” So….regular guy is what I would have to be ok with. Honestly….a regular guy would be a breath of fresh air at this point. I chatted here and there with this one and that one. The thing I didn’t care for was that within minutes of the chat they wanted my phone number. Why on earth would I give my phone number out to a complete stranger when I didn’t even like to give it to the grocery store guy to check my bonus card in his system! So needless to say, men got fed up with me pretty quickly and my admirers soon turned into attackers. I began getting internet hate mail instead of cute, funny, opening one liners. I was told “You’re hot, you must be a bitch” or “If you’re using this as a pass time stop wasting peoples time” WHAT? It IS a pastime….It was an ego boost. I even got accused of catfishing….which for those that don’t know what that is, it’s taking pictures of people you don’t know and passing them off as yourself. Now the idea that they thought my photos were cute enough for them not to be real was flattering, but to think that an attractive woman could have trouble dating or trouble finding a man was not out of the question! So the quest continued. I only went out with one person. Now wouldn’t you know that the one person I decided to go out with ends up being someone I know from high school? I didn’t know at first, but we started talking and he asked a lot of questions about where I grew up and where I went to school and I could hear him begin to put pieces together. He asked my maiden name and that’s when I heard him yell. He yelled into the phone. “NO WAY! You’re sister is — and your parents live at —-” Um…ok that was creepy. “Yes, that’s my older sister and yes my parents still live there.” He explained how he and my sister were good friends in high school and how he did my parents lawn years ago and how we knew all the same people. Perfect right? So we went out a few times, he was very nice, he was handsome, he was very active, hardworking and yet…..something still seemed to be missing. Cause sometimes….even when we get what we are really looking for, it turns out not to be what we really wanted. Another groove on the road for figuring out what we don’t want instead of figuring out what we do want. Cause once you know, really know what it is you want… will not settle for anything less.

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