Gone

Why Me?

In the spirit of getting myself out there and doing things that I may not have tried before, I was talked into joining the town softball team.  It was a very athletic group of woman who were all about the game and ready to win.  I liked winning and I was athletic so why not?  It was late June and the first practice was upon us.  I got in my shorts and sweatshirt, tied back my hair and out onto the field I went.  I was a newbie so I kept my head down, made a few jokes here and there and tried to show them, that I was more than a pretty face.  Practice went well, but after I could feel the effects of age on my body.  I didn’t like it one bit.  How could throwing around a ball and playing catch give me so many aches and pains.  Time was apparently catching up with my body and it wasn’t petty.  That night was a rather normal night in my household.  I’m sure I argued with my girls about homework and taking out the dogs, but other than that pretty uneventful.  I went to sleep with the windows wide open, you know the kind of night that is just chilly enough that makes sleeping with the windows open perfect?  Yea, that kind of night.  I was curled up in my bed fast asleep when all of a sudden BAM!  I woke to the loudest sound I’d ever heard.  I was startled out of a dead sleep and was scared.  What could that have been.  Within a few seconds I realized I felt a warm, wet sensation down my back and into my legs.  I searched the room for a glimmer of light to figure out what was going on.  I was disoriented and felt like everything was in slow motion.  What the heck?!  My eyes darted around the room looking for possibly a person, an intruder that may have just attacked  me in my sleep.  The sound of the bang still ringing in my ears.  This all happened so quickly I could barely realize what was going on.  I had for sure thought that someone was braking into my house and I had in fact been shot or slammed with a bat.  I tried to get up, but couldn’t.  I tried to move, but nothing worked.  Panic began to set in as my eyes adjusted to the dark.  My head felt heavy and began to spin and my ears got the full feeling you get right before you black out.  My brain was not processing and I was not used to not being in control.  I started to try to correct my breathing and slow down.  Whatever was happening I could not have a heart attack on top of it, my kids were in bed asleep and my main job was to protect them. As I laid there I began to think of escape routes out of the house.  I was in a back bedroom, farthest away from a door or an exit.  I would have to try to text my kids to jump out their windows and go next door for help.  But I couldn’t move.  My body seemed as paralyzed as my brain.  As I began to calm down a bit I noticed that there was in fact no one in my room, had they shot me and left me for dead?  Did they get to my girls first and now were roaming my house looking for things to steel?  Maybe it was a hit like I mentioned before, apparently I pissed off a lot of people and maybe someone wanted me dead.  Then it occurred to me…why aren’t the dogs barking?  Were the dogs dead too?  I am an avid Law & Order watcher and as we all know perpetrators are unpredictable and I had to get my wits about me if I was going to be of any use.  I have watched every episode of Criminal Minds and I knew what kidnappers did to people, I would surely have to bite off my own arm or eat a rat in order to survive, but I like high heels and lip gloss I was dead for sure.  Maybe I was already dead?  Could it be possible that this was an out-of-body experience?  The mind does crazy things when it is under stress and mine could not focus, could not calm down and could not process what was going on.  In a matter of seconds I knew something was very very wrong and I was in fact not dead, because as I lay there I could begin to feel the onset of pain.  Excruciating, warm, numbing pain down the back of my ass and into my legs.  I thought this was actually a good sign, cause had I felt nothing I would be even more nervous than I was.  I could now see in the dark and I noticed that the room had gotten incredibly silent.  A heavy, oppressive silence bearing down on my chest like a weight.  At that moment all I could think of was WHY ME!?

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