Beginnings

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From that night on we seemed to just be in sync.  Ever have that feeling?  Where things are so easy and they just click every step of the way?  Well, that’s what it was like.  Now I can’t say if it was my situation which made me more tolerant or that jolly guy really was a good as he seemed, but either way I was really enjoying myself.  We both had busy lives and although he worked late most nights, it worked out well.  We met for drinks, for late night dinners, for coffee. About two weeks in he said he wanted to take me on a real date.  I thought it was cute and he said it would take a little while to plan the perfect thing.  He asked for me to have a full day on a Sunday open which I did and I met him at his house.  We got in his car and made our way and stopped in at one of his friends houses.  A) I think cause it was on the way to wherever we were going and 2) cause I think he was looking for an approval from them.  They were a funny, fun-loving couple with a gorgeous daughter and they were very welcoming and nice to me.  They made small chit-chat and then we were off.  We headed up to a winery, maybe not the best idea after my first date episode, but the thought was cute.  We had good conversation and now we had been seeing each other pretty consistently for three weeks.  He said “You’re not like other woman”  I have heard this my whole life.  I believed it to be true, but I always wondered what people, men meant when they said that.  Why wasn’t I like everyone else?  I was a woman, looking for love, looking for companionship, looking for sex, looking to feel normal around a man who I could give all I had to.  Isn’t that just like all women?  All people for that matter?  I have always known there is something different about me.  I can’t put my finger on it, I can’t explain, but it’s there and I can feel it.  We did a wine tasting, we ate, we sat outside and held hands and then I asked him.  “Are you seeing anyone else?”  We had only been together a short time and I wasn’t expecting him to be with just me just yet, but I needed to know cause I could feel something was happening here.  Something was definitely happening here.  He said “Yes, I have been seeing one other girl, but after today….I don’t want to see anyone but you.”  Now, those are words that can get any man in trouble and laid.  Those are words most women who are falling for someone can’t wait to hear.  You are the only one for me.  You are the one I want to be with.  There is something so powerful about knowing that the connection you have with another person is reciprocated and that they only want to continue to feel that with you.  At that moment I made a decision in my head.  It wasn’t so much a conscious decision, but one where I knew if I wanted a real relationship I couldn’t go into this half ass. I couldn’t have one foot out the door.  I couldn’t begin this thinking it was going to end.  I needed to think that if I did this then it was going to last, it was going to work and it was going to be forever.  I held his hand in the car on the way home and we didn’t speak.  He kept looking at me and finally I asked “What?”  He smiled gave one of those jolly laughs and said “Even being quiet with you is cool”  I admit I was smitten.  He had me hook line and sinker and we hadn’t even slept together yet.  We went back to his house and I thought for sure this was going to be the night.  Great day, met friends, enjoyed each other’s company, had some romance and now we were going to take it to the next level.  We were kissing and made our way to the bedroom and I could feel the butterflies and nerves begin to build in me.  We laid down on the bed, he enveloped me in his arms as I laid my head on his chest and he began to stroke my hair.  And that’s exactly how we stayed for the next hour or so.  No talking, no kissing, no sex, but just being there in that moment was enough.  He was enough, but more importantly I finally felt like enough.

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