Endings

There’s No Place Like Home

Within minutes of pulling away she was asleep.  And she stayed that way until fifteen minutes before we arrived home.  It was the quietest car ride I’d been on in years.  I kept the music low, I watched every pothole, every car, every sign with great precision.  I was conscious of every move the car made as to not wake her for fear she would need to have to go to the bathroom or she would be in pain.  I know what it’s like to go over those bumps when you feel like shit and I was desperately trying my best to make the ride as comfortable as possible for her.  As we pulled into the driveway, my heart began to pound and it felt strange.  We hadn’t been there in so long if felt foreign to me.  As I turned off the car; jolly guy, my other daughter, his two daughters and their friends came running out of the house.  I could feel a surge of heat flash through me as I saw the friends galloping towards the car.  Really?  Really?  Our first night home in over a month and they had to have friends over?  Tonight?  I shot him a look and he knew it was bad, but I’m sure he had no idea what it was for.  We got her out of the car, a process over time we would get better at, but this time it took nearly twenty minutes to just get her to an upright position.  We got her inside, up the stairs, onto the couch and by then I felt the rush of tears begin to well in my eyes.  I’m not sure why, it could have been seeing how hard every move was for her, it might have been because I was so tired I could barely function or it could be that I was happy to be home.  I’m sure a combination of all three.  Once inside and she was situated he grabbed me up into his arms and carried me down the hall.  He was happy to see me and I was happy to see him.  I was happy to see my animals, I was happy to see my other daughter and his two daughters, I was not happy to see that the groceries I had delivered were still sitting on the dining room table.  He saw me notice it and instantly said “I know you like things in a certain place and I just didn’t get to it yet.”  He sounded apologetic and I was too tired to address anything other than what we should order for dinner.  He helped me bring in the bags and assorted hospital tools that were given to us to help make her adjustment to home easier and then she had to go to the bathroom.  Everyone wanted to help, but her and I had a system and it probably annoyed everyone else because they were so eager and willing to help, but it was easier for the two of us to operate as we had been the past few weeks.  The four girls then sat together talking of camp and the hospital and telling stories and laughing and it was great to see them all back together.  It actually was the first time in a very long time that we felt like a family.  That we had rallied and come together over a common incident.  Albeit the worst kind, but till it felt like we were all on the same page.  At least for a few hours.  Then it was time to go to bed.  Jolly guy looked at me for a second in the attempt to approach me for sex and the look on my face must have shown the horror at the thought.  I did not have energy for it.  I wasn’t trying to push him away, I was just so happy to be in bed that the minute my head hit the pillow I was out.  And then within minutes of feeling at rest she called and needed help turning over, going to the bathroom, adjusting pillows.  The bed was no longer adjustable and getting comfortable was going to prove to be harder than she thought.  After the eighth time or so of getting up, jolly guy made a comment and it set me off.  Right, cause I want to get up a million times and wake you.  God forbid you offer me help.  And then the first argument of being home began…..on the first night….home, right.

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