No sooner did I tell myself and my friends that I was going to take a male hiatus, did the inquiries for dates start coming in. In actuality, within the first few weeks I had three different men ask me out. One was from a Facebook page I was on, one was someone I never knew and one was a friend of a friend. I graciously declined two out of the three with the phrase “No thank you, I am happily single” to which I wasn’t quite sure yet I was, but I knew I was going to be. To the third since it was a friend of a friend and he was cute I graciously declined the timing but did say “I will get back to you when things aren’t so crazy” I was proud of myself for not leading anyone on, because as you know, I’ve been told I do that. I was proud that I was going to focus on me and be serious about it.
I started small. I cleaned my house from top to bottom shortly after Drama left. I mean on your hands and knees, sweating, pulling up rugs and moving furniture kind of cleaning. Every room, meticulously, until the house smelled of fresh linens and coconuts. I filled the house with the smells I like, which aren’t many because I have had a heightened sense of smell ever since my oldest daughter was born and I can’t handle most scents. I can’t wear perfume except two; Tommy Girl and one that’s so old school I can’t even remember the name of it. But all others give me a headache. I worked at a perfume house for a while and they always wanted me to smell stuff and by the second scent I was sick as a dog and needed to lay my head down.
So coconut and fresh linens was about as extreme as I get. I then filled the fridge which I hadn’t done in a while. I did one of those massive grocery orders where you are unsure where you will put everything and if it will be eaten before it all goes bad. I love when the fridge is full. As you know I think the grocery store is the land of possibilities so having that kind of access in my house just makes me feel like at any given moment I can create something masterful, a true delight enjoyed by anyone who walks through the door. I love that feeling. Knowing when I go to the fridge at 11 pm at night for something to eat, I won’t be staring into a vast cavern of emptiness like the souls of those I’ve loved and lost.
Then I did the laundry. All of it. The clothes, the sheets, the towels, the dog beds, everything. Blankets, pillows, you name it, I was cleaning it. It felt like I was either getting ready for a new baby to come home or that I was an empty nester, needing a sense of bringing things together. Whatever it was, every ounce of me was happy to be purging and refilling the needs of my home. The house began to look and feel different just like me. I liked it. A lot. I was given sage by a friend of mine and told to light it, let it burn and walk through the house with the windows open saying a prayer to free it of any negative energy. I have no idea if that kind of stuff works, but hell, I had nothing to lose. I wanted to build myself a sanctuary and in order to do that the vibe had to be right.
So I lit the sage, let it burn and walked through the house chanting something ridiculous, but believing that it could very well help. I stood in the living room for minute with the sage in my hand and wrapped it around myself a few times. Praying for the negative energy to be released from within me as well as the house. No better way to start off a life change then by getting rid of the old and bringing in the new. It was one of my most favorite things…..Beginnings. This would be the real beginning of me, the real beginning of my journey, the real beginning to a whole new life and I couldn’t leave any stone unturned. Not one spec of the past would be in this house. And once the sheets were changed, the house was cleaned, the fridge was filled…..life was about to begin.