I’m not sure what exactly happened after this point. It’s like when people say “they lost time” cause that is exactly what it felt like. I was in a dreamlike state, more of a nightmare beyond my wildest imagination. Things with my daughter got progressively worse. My home life became not just a battlefield but a minefield. Everywhere I stepped things were being catapulted at my very core. I was hanging on by a thread working as hard as I could to keep her from drowning. And it hurt my heart more than I could ever put into words. Dreads was a distraction. A tall, dark, sexy distraction. He made me feel normal, he made me feel interesting and capable and he made me feel sexy. Sexy is something I’ve always believed comes from within, like class. It’s something you either have or you don’t. It’s in how you walk, you talk, you carry yourself. It’s a confidence so appealing that it shines through your pores. But sexy, once brought out of you by a man is untamable. It creates a force so great you don’t have control over it. It makes you tingle in places you once thought were dead. It brings alive an animal magnetism that can be felt just by walking in a room. Dreads made me feel alive again. Not loved, not cared for, not safe or secure…he made me feel like a woman. Every kiss, every touch, every glance shot through my body like lava. Heating up my most private places. Awakening a desire in me so great I couldn’t keep it under wraps. His mere closeness to me made me catch my breath in the back of my throat, his proximity to my hand, my face, my body made my toes curl in excitement. He was my release, he was where I came alive, he was where I felt like a woman, no longer a girl sheepish and shy. I knew that being with this man was going to change me, was going to create a new part of me…one that I could only hope I could find a way to master. This man was about to give some type of rebirth to the lame sexual existence I had been living in. And the thought of him doing things to me, was almost more than I could bear. And at this point I had only kissed him.