The heart wants what it wants – or else it does not care. Emily Dickinson had it right even in the 19th century. Love knows no bounds, time or distance. To find someone who you truly care about and love with all your heart and soul usually comes around once, maybe twice in a lifetime for most of us. We want to hold onto them no matter what and for as long as we can. Sure, we have had dates, flings, a few “I think I love her but I’m not sure” moments but when the real thing hits, all that falls by the wayside…or does it?
There are qualities that make the heart grow fonder and because of those, we become extremely drawn to the one we love. They fill in what we were missing, provide an intense emotional and physical spark and makes us feel invincible. Love can be consuming when you are with that person and there can be a painful void when they are not there. Love can hit you in the gut and leave you breathless. Chances are, when you experience all of that, there is no more room at the inn.
When you are in love, your blinders are on and all the outside noise fades away. You don’t go looking for things you shouldn’t and the things that may have seemed so important to you in the past become irrelevant. However, no one person can fulfill all your needs at any one given time so there exists a vacancy in your heart. Typically, that vacancy is not even advertised and you didn’t know it was there until someone made you aware it was there. In that instance, if you are extremely happy and satisfied with your relationship, your emotions will not feed into it. But if you give it any credence, the other things that you may not have been getting at the rate or volume that you once did make seem like a gigantic crater that needs to be filled.
You begin to question your initial feelings with the one that is most important and let the idea of someone shiny and new interfere. It may not even be the physical that overpowers you but the emotional fulfillment that takes the wheel and drives you down a road that you never expected. This love or what appears and feels like love clouds your judgment and now your decisions are impacted by emotion rather than logic. This is why communication is immensely important between two committed adults. When things go unsaid or too long, assumptions are made, internal fights are had and the other partner is literally blindsided when you decide you want something or someone else.
Can you be in love with two people at the same time? I say no. I believe you can be in love with the idea of another individual; someone who could temporarily fulfill your needs but only if you let them. The better questions to ask is are you truly in love with the person you first met? Did your needs change or did they change? What is most important to you and what are you willing to concede? Either way, when you have the answers you are looking for, you will find that your heart no longer wants because it no longer cares.
It is hard enough to be in love with one person let alone two. Falling in love takes; time, energy, effort. It is a myriad of things that come together all at one time in order for the heart to be filled with adoring feelings. Once you are in love, how can you have those same feelings for someone else at the same time as having them for another? I find it virtually impossible. If there is love in your heart for a person, that person should be the only one you have eyes for. How do you have the time or the energy to put that same dedication into getting, molding or fostering those feelings for someone else? You don’t.
I can say that I have never been in this predicament. I spend an awful lot of time falling in love and I’ve never been in love with two people at the same time. I mean, straight up in love, not having feelings for a few people you are dating, but when you can clearly define that love is what you are feeling, how can you muster up the strength to be able to be vulnerable enough same feelings for two people? Again, you can’t. So I’m sure I’ve said it before, but if you are confused and in love with two people and not sure who to choose, choose the second, cause you were never in love with the first.
I think a lot of times people mix up infatuation for love. They mix up a deep connection for something that comes in like a lion and out like a lamb. Love can come on quickly, all at once or gradually like a summer rain. Either way, it doesn’t happen to most people twice at the same time. We can’t tell our hearts who to love, but we can certainly acknowledge that they may be fond of someone else and be in love with another. It comes down to knowing yourself enough. If you have to question your love for someone, therein lies the issue.