Family

Sibling Rivalry

I have one big sister and she is so very very different from me. It’s amazing how two people can live their whole lives with exactly the same things happening and experience them completely different. She used to tell me all the time that I was adopted and for a while I believed it, but now that I am older I sometimes believe it even more.  I wonder if it’s humanly possible that both of us actually come from the same parents, grew up in the same house and were essentially taught the same things.  My sister was and still is fierce. She is strong-willed and stubborn, just like her sign the Taurus Bull. You cannot argue with her. You can try, but you will always lose. She’s smart, quick on her feet, with dirty blonde hair, light eyes and larger boobs than me. She is stunning in a very non threatening way.  Growing up she was popular and dangerous and I envied her every move. I watched her drift in and out of our family home with grace and ease as she maneuvered around everyone and everything making her own way the way she felt things should be. She was cool like a badass with class. Like a mix between Pat Benetar and Grace Kelly. She had charm and charisma and no filter. She was feared as well as respected and she still is. I used to want to be her so badly.  I used to think how life would be so much better for me if I wasn’t me and I was her. She’s ridiculously successful with her powerful corner office job and her handsome doting husband, her 2.5 kids; my nieces, sweet and lovely and talented, their double lotted yard and hypoallergenic dogs. She’s always been meticulous like that and it permeates through everything she touches. Which only makes all of my misfortune that much more magnified in the eyes of my family. They have the perfect comparison at any moment. The way it’s “supposed” to be and the way I seem to do things. My motto is “You can’t be good at everything” and I was so very good at so many things, but love wasn’t, isn’t one of them. She has been married to the same man for almost 18 years.  She hasn’t gone without her trials and tribulations, but I would have to assume that the love debacles I have had are exhausting for my family to continue to go through.  We are a close-knit family and they too have suffered the loss and the heartache of my extensive love life ruins.  I no longer want to be her.  I still think she is fierce and strong and stunning, but I have come to realize so am I.  Being me isn’t all that bad.  Being me is actually pretty amazing.  Being me is not easy.  But being me is all I know how to be.  Although I am not married, I have not done anything for a straight 18 years except be a parent.  I do not have a double lot and a mcmansion, I do not have hypoallergenic dogs, but what I do have is a sense of self.  What I have found through this journey called “my life” is that every day being me is the best thing I can do for my family, for my kids for my love life and for me.  So who are you trying to be?  Who are you comparing yourself to every day?  Who is it in your life that you measure your self worth against?  Cause whoever it is….whoever you are allowing yourself to feel less then by….stop it.  Stop it right now.  Look in the mirror.  Look at yourself and realize that being you is exactly what you were meant to do.  The life that you are living has to be tailored to meet your needs, no one else’s.   So live it.  Love it.  Embrace it.  And by all means be fierce.  Be Strong.  Be stunning.  Be you.

sisters

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