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Tip Toe

The day I had to come home and tell my parents I was pregnant was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  I can still remember them sitting at the kitchen table waiting for me to come home from the doctor’s.  So I led with this “Well….I don’t have cancer…..”  thinking maybe they would be so relieved that they wouldn’t even hear the rest of the sentence.  My parents are both highly educated with my mother holding a Master’s degree and my father holding a doctorate, both in education.  There was no way I was slipping this in without being noticed, but I went for it anyway.  “However, they did find something….I’m pregnant”  There was complete and utter silence….until I heard the tears.  Not from my mother but from my father.  It broke my heart and for a few weeks no one, I repeat no one spoke to me.  No one looked at me.  No one acknowledged that I was even there.  And it hurt.  This was not the end of the world.  This was not a mistake.  This was a surprise.  And with all good surprises, we need to allow the moment of shock to wear off so that the enjoyment and excitement could begin.  So that’s what I did.  I said nothing to anyone for quite a few weeks.  Until my sister walked into my bedroom and said “You don’t have to have this baby.  It is your life and it is up to you.”  I remember feeling that for the first time in our long history my sister was more my sister at that moment then I could remember.  She was there for me when no one else knew what to do or say.  And with that….I marched myself into the living room where my parents both sat and I gave my monologue “I am having this baby.  I am having a baby.  And we are not gong to pretend it isn’t happening.  No more tip toeing around me.  No more ignoring me.  WE are having a baby.”  I hurried out of the room with my palms sweating and my breath erratic and almost tripped as I approached my room.  No one came after me that day.  No one ran down the hall after me to hug and kiss me.  I went to bed that night thinking how heartless everyone was, how could they not be there for me?  The next morning I woke up in an altered universe.  Everyone was happy and lively and my mother said “We better start shopping”  And with that WE were having a baby.  The tiptoeing ended, the silence was long gone and now it was all about the baby.  I WAS HAVING A BABY!  I believe in life a lot of our disappointment in others comes from our own expectation of how we think they should act.  I didn’t initially get the elicited response I wanted and I felt alone and sad.  What I didn’t realize is that everyone copes differently.  Some of us shut down for a bit, some of us need the constant communication.  When we release the expectation that everyone should or is supposed to react to things exactly as we would allow the moment to play out exactly as it should.  I was not alone.  I was never alone.  My parents have always supported me in every single situation of my entire life.  Do they always do it in the way in which I would like them to?  Of course not, but they are there.  Maybe it’s time we all stopped tip toeing around our lives and embrace it.  Stop expecting everyone to be like us and see them for who they are.  From my experience, those that care about you….really truly care about you…may not agree with you, but they will always be there to support you.  And when you have those people in your life……never…..ever…..let them go.

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One thought on “Tip Toe

  1. I get up every morning LOOKING for your blog. It’s like waiting for the next chapter in a book that allows you to read only a page at a time. A time released Kindle that won’t go to the next page!!!!!😊

    Liked by 1 person

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