Throughout the years since freshman year of high school I ran with a group of very funny guys. There was a core of 7-8 or them surrounded by an outer layer of another 10 or so. The group was comprised of academics, theatrics, athletics and humor. Lots of humor. The times spent with them were filled with inside jokes that could be ten to twenty years in the making. There was always a lot of laughter and drinking. Always drinking. They grew up, went to college and are all pretty successful. They now have wives and children and homes and somehow I still think they get together for old time movies or wiffle ball World Series. Over the years one in particular and I spent a lot of time together: at the bar at his place, out. We were the last two single ones of the group living in NJ. We attended most functions together as a “couple” but not as a “COUPLE” we went to one wedding where we were eating cake and dancing and split meals. Everyone at that wedding made fun of us saying it was foreshadowing. I never thought anything of it cause there was nothing between he and I. He was the type of guy you could pass out on his couch, not that you’d want to based on how filthy the house was, but you could and feel comfortable that you would wake up with both your kidneys and not roofied. He was around my kids, at my parties, my girls knew he was one of mommies long time friends. Until he wasn’t. One night after leaving online date guy I stopped at friend guys house. We had a few drinks, were watching a baseball game when out of no where and I mean LEFT FIELD, he tried to kiss me. As if!!! I put my hand straight up over my mouth so he couldn’t get to my lips and asked in a semi panicked voice “what are you doing!” He smiled and said “I’m going to kiss you.” Ballsy yes but I was caught off guard and I said “if you do this is will change everything forever” and he smiled again and said “it’ll be worth it” and with that….He kissed me. It’s almost on the verge of ridiculous what a man can say to make a woman swoon. I never considered this man, this guy, my friend as a romantic interest and now….I’ve gone and crossed the line. Muddied the water, blurred the boundaries. I had allowed this kiss to happen and now only two things could happen going forward: it leads to less or….it leads to more.