Home Sweet Home

It was now into January and things were going pretty strong.  I didn’t see any red flags although we did have a minor disagreement or two.  He asked me one afternoon if I would like to meet his kids.  Really?  Do you think that’s wise?  I mean, so far it was all unicorns and rainbows, did we really want to mess with that and bring in the kids?  I was however honored that he thought enough of me to meet his children and then I asked him in return if he wanted to meet mine.  So we arranged the meet.  I would go see him mid-week and meet his kids.  I got to his house that night and I was very nervous.  Kids love me, but this was different.  I don’t always come across as the warm and fuzzy type so I was hoping I would do ok.  I arrived and he answered the door.  I sat on the couch and his two daughters came out.  They were very nice and funny and quiet.  I am used to more loud and harsh and outgoing, but it was cool.  We talked about what their favorite singer was and what game they were playing and school.  They asked me a few questions but seemed guarded and a little shy/  I don’t blame them, who was I anyway?  We spent most of the night hanging with them and it was pretty good in my opinion.  The meeting of my one daughter went ok as well but not really as interesting.  He came over a few nights later and she said hi, he said hi and that was pretty much it.  My daughter that wasn’t home wasn’t interested in meeting him or anyone else for that matter.  The one that was home was cordial, but my kids didn’t trust anyone.  They knew I was bad at relationships and they didn’t understand why I kept bothering.  They would say things like “Mom I don’t get it” and “Why do you bother, you’re so bad at this”  It on one had hurt my feelings and on the other was the truth.  I wasn’t good at it.  I realized that I did one of two things in relationships; I left or I made it so they would leave.  In my kids minds it didn’t matter who did the actual leaving they thought everyone left.  I wished they knew that my constant trying of finding love was because I never lost hope that it was out there for me.  That if you don’t try you will never know.  That if you don’t put yourself out there and possibly fail you can never succeed.  They were teenage girls and all they saw was people leaving and me having to pick up the pieces of our lives and put them back together.  Never, would I ever, have to scramble to put back my life in the way in which I would this time.  By this time things between us were really going well.  We were having sex regularly, we were hanging out together, with friends and with the kids.  We had begun to create what I thought was a really great union together and I could begin to see us lasting forever.  I was happy.  He had become one of my best friends and I couldn’t wait to spend time together. Right around this time I had to go to China for work.  There is nothing more eye-opening then going somewhere that life is so different.  He was great.  He checked in with my daughter while I was away, he talked on the phone with me every night and I missed him and loved him more than I thought I could anyone.  He would send Facebook messages telling me he missed me and to come home already.  I did two trips back to back and on the first one when I arrived home he walked in with a big bouquet of flowers and hugged me like he never wanted to let me go.  On the second trip home I was leaving China early and I didn’t tell him.  I arrived home and took a cab to his house and surprised him while he was having a super bowl party.  I walked in and quietly sat on the couch and his friends seemed to just stop wherever they were and froze.  He came in from outside and looked right at me but didn’t see me.  He did a double take and screamed and whisked me off the couch “You’re home!”  and that’s exactly what I felt like when I was with him……home.

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