I went on a few more dates with the Pilot. He was fun. He was light. He seemed genuine, but for me something was missing. I felt like inside I wasn’t able to get to that place that I needed in order to give him hat I know he was looking for. We went to dinner, we went for drinks and I have to say we had a great time. There was nothing that he did or said that was out of the ordinary. It wasn’t like he had an opinion of something that didn’t work for me He was handsome and hard-working and kind and funny. It was me and I knew this. I became a bit more distant over the weeks and as the Holidays began to roll in, I just knew it wasn’t going to work for me. He could feel it as I didn’t have time to meet up or I was busy with this or that. I wasn’t avoiding him, but I was definitely not into it and he could feel it.

I guess the turning point was when he invited me to a dinner he was cooking for a group of my friends. Two of my best friends were close with him and one was having a Sunday Dinner party and invited me to come so I did. I didn’t know that it would be a parade of his past girlfriends and flings, but what did I care. We were all adults and he wasn’t with anyone else while we had been dating so I went. It was about nine single women and him cooking for us. The meal was delicious. The wine was flowing, always wine. He wasn’t Italian, but by the way he cooked a Sunday diner you wouldn’t be able to tell. It was delicious. We smiled and flirted and giggled a bit together, but it was awkward for both of us being the ex was there.

While sitting at the table she motioned to me in regards to him. I thought she was asking if we had hooked up or gone out, so in return I motioned back a yes and mouthed “Are you ok with that?” Well. Little did I know she was only saying that he was a great cook and once I opened the door to acknowledging that he and I had been out she was irate, but not with me per say, with him. Apparently he heard it that night through text and a phone call that how could he date one of her friends. I really wasn’t friends with her so in his defense he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

He had invited one of his friends to join him I guess being the only guy he thought maybe he could use some back up. The guy walked in just as we were sitting down to dinner. He was tall and bigger boned and had a great head of full blackish hair. He had olive skin and wore a white button down and a great pair of jeans which was really all I noticed at the time. He was funny and light and smiled a lot and I did notice he was paying a lot of attention to me, but I didn’t notice that everyone else noticed. I was being my usual self, a little tipsy, big-mouthed and dropping the F bomb all over the place while telling ridiculous stories. I am pretty sure I can captivate an audience, but more so because I’m ridiculous, not because I’m fantastic.

The Pilot’s friend asked me a lot of questions and smiled a lot with these bright white teeth and I did notice that his face came alive when he smiled. After he left the Pilot comes up to me and says that his friend asked what my story was. The Pilot said we were dating loosely and that we weren’t exclusive and I was insulted by that even though it was the truth. I wanted him to say that he was dating JUST me and that he liked me and that it was weird for the friend to ask. But that’s not what he said.

I believe that night or shortly after I let the Pilot know it wasn’t working for me. I told him I wanted to stay friends and I meant that. I really did. At this point in time I was all smoke and mirrors and why on earth did anyone want to date me let alone be my friend. At this point, I still sucked. And HE, you know HIM, was on my mind every second of ever day and I hated it. The Pilot would come to realize that I was not the one for him and that the timing was all off. The friend….who for now will remain nameless….should have never come to that dinner. I am sure when he asked about me, he was never expecting what would eventually happen. The plot thickens.