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Comfort Zone

What the hell was wrong with me?  Why couldn’t I say the words?  I felt them, I would mean them, but still they didn’t come out of my mouth.  For that I felt horrible.  It’s like they are now the elephant in the room.  We spent the next few days at the beach, shopping, at the marina having lunch, sitting in the living room with family and friends.  I could feel the trip just getting underway when it was just about time to leave.  The mother and sister were nothing short of lovely.  They welcomed me into their home, they laughed and watched movies with me.  Things were definitely on the upswing for Serendipity and I.  The last night we went out to dinner with his family and while walking into the restaurant his sister caught my ear.  She said “Thank you for treating my brother so kindly.” It was heartfelt and I could tell despite their bickering that they honestly loved and cared for each other.  It was heart warming.  My response was simple “He makes it easy.”

That’s what I kept focusing on.  How easy it was to spend time with Serendipity.  I was sad this time was about to end and life would return to normal with the brisk cold winter hitting me in the face the minute I would step off the plane.  The next morning it was time to leave and everyone seemed genuinely sad to see me go.  Especially his mother.  She tried coercing me into figuring out how to stay longer and trust me if I could I would have, but four days away from home was enough for now.  It had been a great trip.  We packed my stuff into the car and Serendipity drove me the two hours to the airport.  We laughed and kissed and did one last video of the trip.  I wanted to capture the last moments of this surprise and closed with his thoughts on the entire thing.  On tape he says “It was the best surprise anyone has ever done for me.  A successful trip was had by all.”

It was indeed successful.  I had gone after what I wanted.  I made no excuses about how silly and ridiculous the entire thought was to begin with, but in the end it worked out in my favor.  Serendipity knew the extent of which I would go to, to see him smile, to let him know how I felt about him and in return I got kindness, joy and the three words I was hoping to hear.  Now it was time to say goodbye.  I got out of the car, kissed him, hugged him and we know how I feel about hugging and believe it’s when I said “I love you too”  It was a few days late and apparently a dollar short, but I said it and I meant it.  And I couldn’t have been happier.

I arrived home and within minutes the sting of the winter hit me along with snow flakes and then the calls from the kids on when would I be home.  It didn’t take but two and a half hours for the thrill of the weekend to be long gone.  I was feeling content.  A feeling I am not great with and have trouble understanding what it really is.  But that’s what I felt.  Proud of myself for pushing out of my comfort zone, doing something edgy and different and reaping the benefit of those actions.

I would kindly await Serendipity’s return a few days later and be ecstatic to see him. In the sand and sun he was light, happy, free.  Once he arrived off the plane he was more of a curmudgeon.  He was bitter at the weather, the hustle and bustle of the tri state area.  He seemed unsettled and I tried to remind him of the glorious trip he just had and all that it encompassed.  It was hard to keep him focused on the good as just like when I returned home, real life hits you pretty quickly.  There is no more time for reprieve.

We resumed our normal activity of seeing friends, laying on the couch watching TV, preparing for snowstorms and lighting fires.  Life was good my friends.  Life was very good.

comfortzone

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