The game ended and we headed back to the car and he asked if I wanted to stop somewhere for a drink. We had now had one or two each and the night was getting late, but it was still summer so technically summer vacation mode was still in effect. So I agreed and we headed to a local spot and sat at the bar. He sat close to me and turned my chair towards him while we talked. Then I noticed he got that look. You know that one guys get? The glossy eyed, doughy, bright-eyed look? And then I did it. I said it. I self sabotaged. “Don’t do it” I said. “Don’t do what?” he asked in surprise still smiling. “Don’t fall for me, I can see it in your eyes.” His smiled faded and he looked away and instantly I felt like an ass. He was looking at the ground as if I had just run over his cat and then he looked up again smiling. “Don’t tell me what to do” he replied. And for a moment I left it at that as I too began to smile. Why am I such a dork? Why do I feel the need to stop something before it even begins. We are only on date two and already I’m nervous. So I continue.
“You know, you should really try to curtail any weird and emotional feelings you may have for me. I’m no good at relationships, so it’s inevitable that I will at some point screw us up and leave you. So to ensure that doesn’t happen let’s never become the “R” word, deal?” He looked at me as if I had six heads. I am sure he thought at this moment that I was either severely insecure or flat-out crazy. I’m probably a little of both, but I wasn’t looking for compliments or accolades, I was serious. I was looking for someone to spend time with, someone to enjoy with no strings attached. Someone I could call to hang out or go to the movies or if I needed a date at a work function. I didn’t want a boyfriend. But GOD those dimples were heart melting. I stood my ground and than he says. “You are probably right.” See I’m glad he saw it my way. Then he went on. “We should go out on Saturday then agree to break things off before they get too, well, complicated. And as for the “r” word are you referring to a relationship?” My ears rang and got hot at the sound of that word. “YES, that’s the “r” word I didn’t say because I hate saying it so why on earth would you say it? That’s like spelling a word in front of your kids and saying it right after!” I was heated, but in a playful way.
He laughed and said “Ok, we will break up on Saturday, deal?” Phew, “Deal” I said. We chatted some more at the bar and I knew I was smitten and it was annoying at best. Bothered me actually. Why now? Why him? Why me? Were frick and frack laying in wait all this time for the perfect time to spring him on me? It was like timing couldn’t have been better. I had the summer of my dreams with laughter and fun and great memories and now, when I feel I’m ready, although not wanting it, here he is. Please don’t fall, please don’t fall please don’t fall I would say inside my head over and over. Just relax, just enjoy it, stop thinking. But that’s how I operated. I already saw and was nervous for the future let alone saying I was in a relationship. Slow down brain cells!! Get a grip of yourselves. It’s TWO dates! Ugh, such a girl! We left the bar and he drove me home and right before pulling onto my street I asked him to pull over. For a split second I got nervous asking him and a rush of instant fear ran through me and again he smiled. And then he leaned over and kissed me. For a long time. A lot of times. Like we were teenagers. I was in my early forties making out in the car on a side street so my children didn’t catch me. Oh how the tables have turned. Who is this person I am right now? Whoever she is…..I’m falling for her too!