Pulled Muscle

After waiting hours in the hospital emergency room the nurse and doctor returned to tell me that I in fact did not need a kidney transplant nor did I have kidney stones. They did believe that I had a tiny tear in the muscle right around the outside of my rib cage. The prognosis was good and they offered for me to go get a massage. Hmm…sounds good to me. I left the hospital, went home to rest. Dimples didn’t come to the hospital. He offered, but I told him originally that it wasn’t serious so he didn’t come. I however, would have gone. Isn’t it strange how differently two people can view things and act differently upon them?

He didn’t really know if it was serious or not and he trusted me when I said it was no big deal, but what if it was? Would I then tell him it was serious and he would come? I think so, but how can one ever really be sure? You can’t. I seem to always measure someone’s actions against how I would act and therein lies my issue. I am constantly disappointed because most people, most human beings do not act as I do. In many different ways.

In the face of adversity I take things head on. I like to deal with them, communicate over them then come to either a resolution or closure. I do not shy away from most things. Most people aren’t like that. Non confrontation is typically how the world operates. Don’t put yourself too far out there, don’t commit fully to anything and don’t let yourself be hurt. In my efforts to always think of others and in an effort of having forethought which I think is something they should teach in school, I thought it would be a problem to ask Dimples to come to the hospital and leave work. To take time out of his day and sit next to me for something that wasn’t all that a big of a deal. But if the tables were turned, I would have left work, sat there for comfort and waited until the doctor said all was clear, but hey, that’s me.

I don’t blame him for following my directions completely, I just would have thought that you would want to be by the woman you love and make sure she is ok. I guess there is a mixed message in there from me because what I said and what I wanted were two different things. Not necessarily what I wanted, but what I thought was right. I am a walking oxymoron most of the time. Because I am the person that would go out of their way for someone else. To make sure they felt comforted, taken care of and loved. I am the woman that takes in an old friend that needs a place to stay, I am the woman that sits by the side of an old friend in the hospital, I am the woman that uses her last dollar to get the crossing guard a cup of coffee on a cold day.

It was a minor let down, not a big deal and he did come by after work to see me and make sure I was ok. I also think there are people that can’t function well with someone who gets hurt or is sick. They are so used to that person being in charge and handling everything that they assume no matter what they will still be ok. I give off that impression to most people. To my own detriment. Most people then think that I don’t have feelings or get hurt or insecure or scared. I do, I am only human. I am just a girl. Don’t get me wrong, this girl is basically super woman, but you know what I’m saying. Things still affect me, they touch me deeply and they cut me to the quick. I feel pain and sickness like everyone else. I may even feel it more being I’ve experienced so much of both.

Thankfully this time it was nothing, but next time….it might not be.



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