He Said

“What if she wants you to kiss her?
Well, then I guess I’m just gonna have to kiss her.
Amanda’s no minor leaguer who’ll be swept off her feet by your amateur lips.
Well, I just think maybe…
you should consider whether or not you can deliver a kiss that kills.
What, you think I can’t?
If you say you can, you probably can.”

I’m a product of the 80’s and when asked to write about the first kiss, this classic exchange from Some Kind of Wonderful, one of my favorite movies immediately came to mind. The outcast Keith and his tomboy girl/friend Watts (who I had a crush on) who has a crush on him are preparing for his date with the popular Miss Amanda Jones. She bates him into kissing her by getting him to consider if he could “deliver a kiss that kills’’ and SPOILER ALERT the kiss did not disappoint. He pulled her in close, gripped her hips tight, they were breathing each other in and getting as close as possible until it was still too much room between them. It left both of them breathless, speechless and her blushing. Now that’s how you do it Hollywood style and deliver a kiss that kills!

The reality is that it may not be that easy as someone questioning your kissing ability and double dog daring you to prove it. But how do you know when is the right time? If you are waiting for the sun to set just right or she wants her hair to be just wind-blown enough to be sexy, keep waiting. While timing is everything, there is no such thing as setting your sundial for that perfect first kiss. It’s calculated but not exact meaning you think about it but you cannot plan for it. For some it just has to be the moment when all bets are off, it’s now or never, she smells so good and I cannot take her leaning into me one more second! For others it’s “I want to kiss him so bad it hurts” because he looks so hot, he makes me melt and I just need to find out what he feels like!

That begs the question, which comes first the lips or the cheek? If it’s the lips you seek then pay attention to the signs you are being given otherwise you will have a tough time rebounding from the “I’m not there yet” or “Friend Zone” cheek! Men, even though this is supposedly the era of women’s independence and they will pick up their own check and make their own money, they need you to make it happen and you will have to pay attention and take the lead.

Was your greeting hug just a tad longer than the last time? Does she flirt with you or find a reason to randomly touch you? Is there any leaning in and out? Not to be confused with phasing in and out. Has she re-applied her “I’m ready for my close-up” lips? Does she smell or look even more amazing? Although, some of us are not always that quick on the uptake, women will only put out so many signs before they get annoyed and think you are either not that into her or just dumb. As Watts said to Keith when he didn’t know, “Yeah, well, you’re stupid. I always knew you were stupid.” But if the Magic 8-Ball says ‘all signs point to yes’, you my friend have now been greenlit to enter the First Kiss Zone!

This is where you must do your civil duty as a part of the man-card carrying member of society and take the initiative. She’s nuzzled into you when are giving that extended hug goodbye embrace, she’s let you put your arm around her or rub her back. So pull her in, take her in and make the move! Don’t make it awkward. Be confident and no matter what, confidence to a woman is sexy. If you missed the target or she happened to move accidentally but the intent was there, you may even get a do over and then the pressure is really off because now the kiss is on both of you and you can laugh it off

Women’s lips are a thing of beauty and they deserve to be treated as such. Cherish them and she will use hers to cherish you. Do not…I repeat…DO NOT take her face off! Don’t force your tongue because she will think you are too aggressive and just plain sloppy. The first kiss is not the last kiss. It’s an invitation to the potential of more intense kisses that may come seconds, minutes or days later.

What have we learned? The first kiss is definitely some kind of wonderful. Signs are meant to be read so you don’t get lost. Lips are precious and should be left on the face. And lastly, guys, we are stupid at times but we can make up for it by delivering a kiss that kills!

She Said

“A real lover is one that can thrill you by kissing your forehead”

I have always found the first kiss to be awkward and uncomfortable. How do you know when the right time will be? Ho do you know he feels the same way? how do you know if he read your signs right? What if you don’t want a first kiss and he does? All of these questions seem to run through your head at the end of a date before the first kiss has happened. It seems to be the doorway which had the opportunity to lead to more kisses, to lead to kissing whenever you feel like it.

The exchange is never as it appears in the movies. There isn’t ever really a “good time” for a first kiss. It has the potential to be an epic fail and that’s why I usually am the one that goes for it first. I know you want to kiss me, being a woman we just know, but it’s not those deep, pull you in close, grab your face and let it happen kind a thing. It’s more like two birds beaks pecking at each other in a haste to say it was done.

We have all been in the situation where we have had an amazing kiss, but much like the first time you have sex with someone, there is a lot of nerves and anxiety that go into the “first” of anything. You don’t know how to kiss each other until you’ve had practice at it. Do you initially go for the tongue? Do you close, tight lip it for a few seconds to see if he makes the move to tongue? There is a lot of pressure on the first kiss being great, being spectacular, being something to remember. I’m not sure how guys do it.

The fear of rejection, the placement of your hands, your breath, are your eyes open or closed? The first kiss is nerve wracking at best, but once it is done, once it’s out of the way, the language you all develop together is why kissing is so important. It was once thought that kissing another bound your souls together, as if the whole process wasn’t enough pressure!

If you have done it right, you will know. She will want to kiss you again and again. If you’ve done it wrong, as I have so many time, you have the opportunity to make light of it and to do it again and again until you get it right. Women don’t want the perfect kiss, we want the perfect person to kiss us. There’s a big difference. So if we laugh at your jokes, touch you during a conversation, look in your eyes when you speak, give you all the signs that we want to be kissed, like Nike, Just Do It! And you will be glad you did.