Sometimes sex is just sex. However, the time that it is far more than that is when it is for the first time with someone you care about. It may not be the longing and pawing that goes on in the movies where the couple swallows each other whole and buttons are collateral damage. But it doesn’t have to be.
Maybe it’s clumsy…so what? Maybe you don’t fit just right the first try. Maybe you have a laugh or two. That’s okay. It’s about being with, loving and trusting the one that you love in the moment. Your kisses mean more. They are the ones that take your breath away but yet you still have to have another. The touch of their skin feels like heaven. The exploration of each other for that first time with no map because no two bodies are quite the same. The ultimate destination is the same and that is to unite two hearts and two souls together as one.
One night stands can be fun because you can be someone else for a night and never worry about feelings or complications. This is different. In that single instance when the time has become the right time, perfection is sought after. Perhaps you achieve it in bits and pieces and more power to you if it’s complete perfection from beginning to end. You don’t want to disappoint your partner. You want to try and be the very best self you can be because it’s too soon to play games or be some other persona to spice things up. You can never get that moment back.
What you can do is just be yourself. Don’t overplay your hand. Don’t make any assumptions. If this is loving the one you are with then just trust in the process and know that most likely, this is going to happen a few more times in the lifetime of your relationship. Even if the ship comes in too soon, even if the train never leaves the station or even if there are a few tears, don’t let that consume you.
The moment you have been waiting for has arrived. Be present in it. Take in the scent of her perfume of her neck. Grab her like you never want to let go. Kiss each other like it’s what you need to do in order to survive. You may be able to replicate some or all of those things but you will always remember how it felt the first time.
It’s funny, I was once at a dinner party with an old friend and he was talking about wanting to sleep with one of his ex girlfriends. His mother, without hesitation said “Beware the power of the pussy.” I almost fell on the floor, but it got me thinking. The power women posses in terms of their sexuality is much greater than they even realize. Most women have no idea how powerful they are in determining if the “first” time is going to happen. We tend to think it lies solely in the hands of the man we are with. Oh how wrong we are. If we only knew how to harness the power we posses we could use that power for good.
From the minute of our first date, the first kiss, most women know whether or not the man they are with has any chance of ever going to bed with her. Case in point, the minute I go on a date I know within the first few minutes of conversation if I’m going to want to kiss that person. I surely know from the first kiss whether or not I want to sleep with them. Most times, it’s like karma where if you really want something to happen and you plan for it; shaved legs, matching undergarments, it’s almost guaranteed that the event will not happen. However, wear your most comfortable pair of granny panties and go a week without shaving and low and behold the moment is upon you. It’s just bad luck, but with a little more planning and some signals, it can be a win/win for everyone.
The first time you have sex with someone can be wholeheartedly different from the first time you make love to someone you really care about. It’s almost like there are levels. Levels of who we want to sleep with and to what degree. Sometimes, it’s a one night stand, because let’s be honest we all have needs. But if it’s something you really want to experience with a person you are really into the pressure can be insurmountable. You want them to find you attractive. As attractive with your clothes off as they do with your clothes on You want them to want you in a way they haven’t wanted anyone else. You want the minute you become one to be memorable, to be honest and open and fun and sexy and a million other things. We hold the power to make that moment amazing, just by letting down our guards, harnessing our power and putting it towards good.