Sometimes sex is just sex. However, the time that it is far more than that is when it is for the first time with someone you care about. It may not be the longing and pawing that goes on in the movies where the couple swallows each other whole and buttons are collateral damage. But it doesn’t have to be.
Maybe it’s clumsy…so what? Maybe you don’t fit just right the first try. Maybe you have a laugh or two. That’s okay. It’s about being with, loving and trusting the one that you love in the moment. Your kisses mean more. They are the ones that take your breath away but yet you still have to have another. The touch of their skin feels like heaven. The exploration of each other for that first time with no map because no two bodies are quite the same. The ultimate destination is the same and that is to unite two hearts and two souls together as one.
One night stands can be fun because you can be someone else for a night and never worry about feelings or complications. This is different. In that single instance when the time has become the right time, perfection is sought after. Perhaps you achieve it in bits and pieces and more power to you if it’s complete perfection from beginning to end. You don’t want to disappoint your partner. You want to try and be the very best self you can be because it’s too soon to play games or be some other persona to spice things up. You can never get that moment back.
What you can do is just be yourself. Don’t overplay your hand. Don’t make any assumptions. If this is loving the one you are with then just trust in the process and know that most likely, this is going to happen a few more times in the lifetime of your relationship. Even if the ship comes in too soon, even if the train never leaves the station or even if there are a few tears, don’t let that consume you.
The moment you have been waiting for has arrived. Be present in it. Take in the scent of her perfume of her neck. Grab her like you never want to let go. Kiss each other like it’s what you need to do in order to survive. You may be able to replicate some or all of those things but you will always remember how it felt the first time.
It’s funny, I was once at a dinner party with an old friend and he was talking about wanting to sleep with one of his ex girlfriends. His mother, without hesitation said “Beware the power of the pussy.” I almost fell on the floor, but it got me thinking. The power women posses in terms of their sexuality is much greater than they even realize. Most women have no idea how powerful they are in determining if the “first” time is going to happen. We tend to think it lies solely in the hands of the man we are with. Oh how wrong we are. If we only knew how to harness the power we posses we could use that power for good.
From the minute of our first date, the first kiss, most women know whether or not the man they are with has any chance of ever going to bed with her. Case in point, the minute I go on a date I know within the first few minutes of conversation if I’m going to want to kiss that person. I surely know from the first kiss whether or not I want to sleep with them. Most times, it’s like karma where if you really want something to happen and you plan for it; shaved legs, matching undergarments, it’s almost guaranteed that the event will not happen. However, wear your most comfortable pair of granny panties and go a week without shaving and low and behold the moment is upon you. It’s just bad luck, but with a little more planning and some signals, it can be a win/win for everyone.
The first time you have sex with someone can be wholeheartedly different from the first time you make love to someone you really care about. It’s almost like there are levels. Levels of who we want to sleep with and to what degree. Sometimes, it’s a one night stand, because let’s be honest we all have needs. But if it’s something you really want to experience with a person you are really into the pressure can be insurmountable. You want them to find you attractive. As attractive with your clothes off as they do with your clothes on You want them to want you in a way they haven’t wanted anyone else. You want the minute you become one to be memorable, to be honest and open and fun and sexy and a million other things. We hold the power to make that moment amazing, just by letting down our guards, harnessing our power and putting it towards good.
4 thoughts on “He Said / She Said – The First Time”
Like Liked by 1 person
One of my readers sent in their own version of He Said / She Said this week and I just had to share it!!! Here it is:
After the first kiss I know if we are going to have sex. I don’t mean the peck on the lips or cheek-to-cheek first kiss. I mean the steaming hot passionate kiss that comes on the second, third and/or fourth date. You know the kiss I’m talking about. This kiss heats up your entire body. This kiss makes your heart beat a little faster. This kiss you remember in your loins as you fall asleep, wake up and you long for the next one. She’s ready to have sex with me. Our first sexual experience will be the catalyst for a sexually healthy relationship and it must be unforgettable. I MUST BE UNFORGETTABLE!
It all begins with all those little things I learned from the first few dates. I reserve a table at the perfect restaurant overlooking the NYC skyline, because I remember how much she talked about loving NYC. I order her favorite wine, to show I remember the little things she talked about with me. I always make eye contact, occasionally touch and hold her hand. I make sure the conversation flows with humor, intelligence and attention to every subject. This is the intellectual build up to an amazing climax. I FEEL her right now and she knows it, she can feel me too.
The most difficult and nerve racking part comes with the completion of our evening out. The question; ‘would you like to come back to my place for a night cap?” Unbeknownst to her, the scene has already been set up. The house is clean, the bedroom is made up, the music is prepared and the candles are ready to be lit. The answer determines everything at this point. Yes equals a green light. Anything else means the time is not quite right and my preparations will have to wait for another day. She says, “Ok.” Our minds are in sync at this moment in time.
Upon arrival at my house, I have her favorite wine ready to be uncorked. We sit, we chat, we sip, but I know what’s about to happen, so I kiss her. I kiss her even more passionately than our last kiss. My hands explore her body in a rhythmic dance without hesitation or uncertainty. I am very nervous, yet extremely confident since I planned this moment all day. The kiss comes to an end, as I gaze into her eyes, I slowly move my hand into her hand. I turn and lead her to my bedroom. She follows without indecision.
The time is upon us. I am ridiculously nervous because of the pressure I have put on myself. I have to make her feel beautiful, sexy, passionate and incredibly hot in the first few moments. I undress her slowly, admiring every inch and curve of her body. I kiss her lips, her neck, her shoulders, and her breasts with soft lips. She must feel the love and passion in order for this to be the experience I desire for us. Her orgasm will be my reward and the time has come to retrieve my reward.
i will never forget my first time- thank god it was with my high school sweet heart and it was his first time to-
Like Liked by 1 person