Comedian Dane Cook does a routine on cheating. He talks about the guilt involved and how every step you take on the creaky floors and steps sounds like “CHEATER” as you are trying to be quiet, sneaking back into the house. No matter if you are outwardly blatant about it or doing your best to hide your second job, you are still sneaking around on someone else.
There are a multitude of reasons why individuals aren’t faithful. You have lost that loving feeling but don’t want to leave or know how to. You aren’t getting the affection or sexual satisfaction you once did and you crave it. Someone looks at you the way you have longed for all your life and pays you just the right amount of attention. Or simply it is the thrill of the chase and until you get put on lockdown, all bets are off.
Most of us, however, are adults and the ‘I didn’t know better’ defense doesn’t work anymore. It’s not acceptable nor is it excusable. Your partner trusts you every day when you leave the house and go about your business. Whether it’s a 9-5 with occasional late meetings, you travel often or you are directly involved with someone’s significant other in a one on one setting like my personal training profession, it is expected of you to be on the up and up. It is not an unrealistic request and definitely not too much to ask of the one you supposedly love.
We are animals and not wired to mate with one partner for our entire existence, I get that. Eyes see things they like, chemicals react in your brain and the imagination takes over. All senses become heightened. Someone then makes a pass and that pass is received. Texts, emails, phone calls and/or pics are exchanged and everything just feels right and exciting. But let us not forget that being dishonest and unfaithful is not only physical but mental as well. An emotional connection is stronger and harder to break ties from. It is one of the very reasons we are in our own relationships. You may be in love or most likely, in lust all over again with someone else’s supposed greener grass.
But let’s be honest, the improved landscaping is only a mirage. You are getting someone at their best while you are giving yours. You don’t see their unhappiness or negativity and they don’t see your attitudes and unwillingness to improve your present situation by working at it or by exiting. It’s the perfect storm when you come together because it leaves collateral damage for potentially years to come in its wake for all parties involved. Feelings are hurt, trust is destroyed and self-esteems, careers or families can be ruined.
If it’s broke, fix it. If it’s FUBAR, then plan an exit strategy no matter how hurtful it may be. You will be doing everyone a favor. While cheating may make you feel good, superior or justified…don’t make someone else the embarrassing butt of your jokes. Karma has its own sense of humor and I can assure you when she comes around, she will be having the last laugh!
I have had the pleasure of experiencing cheating starting at a young age; from walking in on one of my best friends kissing my boyfriend in high school, randomly finding out my college boyfriend was seeing a young woman for over two months, to my first husband having a side chick for over a year. I suppose it doesn’t get any easier, no matter what age you are, but no matter when it happens; it changes you. It rips apart little pieces of trust, of your heart that you were willing to give to another person and for some it makes them cold or bitter. For me, it seems to have made me more free to love. I realized later in life that if someone wants to be with me they’ll be with me. Period.
I don’t technically understand the world of cheating. It is hard enough for me to run my one life, let alone have time or energy to lead a second life. All that lying and sneaking around, covering your tracks, sounds exhausting to me. Sounds hardly worth it. Maybe I’m too lazy to cheat. The energy it takes to make a relationship strong and work is enough to put anyone over the edge, why jeopardize that by having to try to do it with two people? I believe it was Johnny Depp that said “If you are in love with two people, choose the second, cause if you have a second you weren’t in love with the first” That makes sense to me. I guess my general thought is if something isn’t working with the person I am with, it’s just easier to leave them before starting something else with someone else.
I suppose I’ve seen what cheating can do to a family, to the kids, to my kids. It changes their perspective. It makes them cynical and apprehensive and pessimistic about love and men and trust. It has taken away pieces of their childhood and I’ve seen the abandonment issues it can cause in the long run. I guess we never really realize how our actions affect others, but cheating rips families apart, it rips hope apart and it rips hearts apart. My only advice would be grow up. Be a man or a woman and have enough decency and respect not just for the person you are with, but for yourself to just leave. If you need affection, get it. If you’re looking for excitement build it. Anything you are currently lacking in a relationship can be found either within yourself or with someone else possibly more suited for you. Cheating sucks. Don’t. Do. It.