Love

D-Day

This was it.  It was make or break time.  I woke up very late out of my emotional aftermath and realized it was way past normal coffee time and I dragged myself out of bed.  I glided listlessly into the kitchen and put the pot on and took out the dogs.  I was replaying the night’s events in my head over and over and realized I needed coffee before I could think clearly.  I grabbed my cup filled to the brim and headed back into the bedroom.  I refrained from immediately texting Dimples cause I knew during the day he would be busy.  We went over our schedules at least a hundred times every week so I knew that today, Sunday, he would be busy until 4ish.  This gave me time to gather my thoughts.

I got back into bed with my coffee in one hand and ecig in the other and just stared off into space for a bit.  I was groggy and a bit dazed and realized now that I began to have a headache that I must have drunk more than my share the night before.  I was trying to pinpoint where it all went bad.  I was trying to get my finger right on the pulse of what  it was I did that makes him SO mad at me.  I don’t think I suck.  Honesty I don’t.  However I also don’t think I’m perfect.  I think I’m awesome, but not perfect.  So although I don’t take all the blame in any situation, I do take blame for my part in things.  Both good and bad.  So I was trying to see where it was exactly that I acted like an ass and then I would backtrack my way from there and have a plan for when we talked later that day.

Once I figured that I set him off by saying I didn’t think he loved me, I realized those words were my own insecurities.  He was showing me, telling me but I still was having a hard time believing it.  So I decided I would wait out the day at my girlfriend’s house.  I asked for her sound advice as to how to approach this conversation and try to gain some perspective into myself so as to not accuse, but to try to understand.  I got myself out of bed, dressed and into the car.  I arrived at her house and instantly knew I was exhausted and I laid down on her couch.  We watched some shows and chatted the afternoon away and it really helped.

I knew what I was going to say.  I would start with “can we talk” that’s always a good place to start.  From there I would do a lot of the talking because I talk a lot and he’s usually quite quiet when it comes to these types of communications.  We will go over the details, we will figure out a happy medium and we will be back on our way to being right side up instead of upside down.  As the afternoon progressed I started to get a very uncomfortable feeling.  I’m not psychic by any means, but my “feelings” tend to try to tell me something.  I started to get the hot sensation of anxiety down my arms.  Something bad was coming and it was coming soon.  I looked up at my girlfriend and said “He’s going to break up with me today.”  She looked at me and without skipping a beat said “You’re crazy, no he’s not.”  I repeated again “He’s going to break up with me today, I can feel it.”  Again she shrugged me off and said I was being paranoid.  She reminded me he loved me and that this too shall pass.

After she said that I looked up at the clock.  It was a few minutes after 4.  I looked down at my phone, thought to myself I will wait ten more minutes and text him.  As I looked up from my phone I heard it “ding”  I looked down at it and I could feel the air in the room thin and my eyes start to tear and my face flush with embarrassment. It was Dimples and the text was a beak up text…..I looked at my girlfriend and said “I told you he was going to break up with me today, I just didn’t think it’d be like this.”

D-DAY

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