Love

The Giving Tree

Being a giver is not just part of being me or being a woman, it is in every ounce of my heart and soul.  I think that is why it is so easily taken advantage of, squashed instead of cultivated and feared instead of embraced.  I do not give all I have and throw caution to the wind, I do not love lightly and with complete disregard for reality, but every once in a while, every so often in those very quiet and ever so gentle moments the truth peaks through that I do not want to see it.  I want to believe the picture is so much better painted under a veil of hope and faith.  That wishing and wanting and trying will somehow make that dream a reality.  In many cases, most cases, it is never true.  Wanting it bad enough, wishing for it endlessly and pushing with all you’ve got cannot sustain what you think you have when the other person is pulling away, pushing you away and not who they claim to be.  They in fact, are living a lie, which ends up only perpetuating the lie of which you built your dream upon.  I find all too often with myself that the dream is not so much built on reality, but on false hope, falsified promises and under the guise of “could be” rather than what is.  I pride myself on being honest, a woman of my word, of integrity, but that is an impossible feat to uphold when most of what you are basing your word on is half-truths.  So you draw back, let the rays of light shine through your darkness and expose all the dirty little secrets hidden in the shadows.  The biggest of all to be revealed to yourself when you are finally free from the hold the dream has kept on you and the reality has yet again, washed over you. Time to give yourself a break, time to give yourself something worthwhile.  Time to give yourself the truth of what you feel.  Own it.  Be it.  Live it.  But whatever you do….do not lie to yourself one more day.  Love is an elusive little devil, don’t let it lead you down a road you’re not willing to travel, but if you find it….give yourself enough courage to go after it with all your heart.  Open.  Honest.  Giving.

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