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Mr. & Mrs.

Before I knew it I was no longer who I was…within one hour, a blessing, a few splashes of holy water here and there I was now someone’s wife.  I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Friend Guy.  How the heck did THAT happen?!  I almost didn’t walk down the aisle.  Three weeks before the ceremony my lower back went out.  Like legs didn’t work, can’t walk, going to go down the aisle in a wheelchair out.  I begged the doctor to whatever it took to get me upright again and he suggested an epidural. Four days before the wedding I was shot up and thankfully the medicine took right away and I was walking without pain. The rest of the wedding day is pretty much a blur of photos and shots and dancing and yelling over music.  It was a great party in a beautiful location and I have to say with all the issues, as all weddings have, it was a gorgeous day minus the 6000% humidity.  I blinked and the day was over, the planning was completed, the guests were fed and drunk and the night was upon me.  I realized soon after arriving at the hotel that I would not make it much longer and when I asked Friend Guy to come upstairs with his new bride, he declined.  He.  Declined.  That’s really the first time I felt it.  The twinge that starts from down deep somewhere, like hitting your funny bone.  You have no idea exactly where it is until it gets hit and it comes flooding back to you.  I remembered, this was not my wedding or my wedding night, this was his day.  And my use was over and now the celebration of him would commence with his friends and family and my presence was no longer needed.  It stung yes, but I was tired and my feet hurt so I went to bed.  I awoke a few hours later to him and another friend in our room, throwing their clothes off and passing out.  I’d love to say crawling into bed, but they passed out.  I spent my wedding night in bed with my drunk groom and one of our best friends sleeping on the pull out couch.  The wedding night all brides dream of.  If I learned anything over the years of my dating disasters was to keep going and this too shall pass.  And if it doesn’t you will find a way to move it out of your way and keep going.  And that is exactly what I did.  I arrived bright-eyed and bushy-tailed the next morning at our farewell brunch.  I had something to eat, a quick cocktail and got our things together to go to the airport.   This was the first time I was getting a honeymoon and I was planning on making the most of it.  We went to a place that served us both well.  It was rich in history for him and rich in wine and cheese for me.  For every tour I went on he had to stop at a bistro or pub and I got a wonderful glass of wine and an assorted cheese platter.  It really was the best of both worlds.  We took pictures and got dressed up, we saw everything this tiny town had to offer and it was stunning.  I was taken by it the minute we landed and the hotel was breathtaking.  I felt very lucky.  One the third night, you could only imagine what happened.  No one rose from the dead if that’s your thinking although ghosts from the past were certainly discussed.  We were sitting at an outdoor café having dinner when we began to discuss our two best friends.  Somehow the conversation went from bad to worse and before I knew it I was yelling and threw down my napkin, got my bag and walked back to the hotel alone.  He did not come after me, nor did I think he would.  I hoped he would, but I didn’t think he would.  That conversation, that argument, on our honeymoon was the determining factor in our relationship.  We had been together three years, living together over one and now married five days and one argument over our friends changed everything.  We did not speak the remainder of the honeymoon to each other.  We did not eat together nor have sex and make up.  Essentially that night our relationship changed and we never really got it back from that point on.  We returned home to more bad news.  Friend Guy received a letter and was told not to return to work.  We were now going to both be home, unemployed and together, every minute, of every day….and we were barely speaking.   There is no silence more deafening than that of a loved one ignoring you.  Avoiding each other like two mimes at the zoo.  The silence was so loud it hurt my head…..and my heart.

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