Accountability

Fabulous at 40

When I tell you the party was wonderful I mean every single second of that birthday was great.  The brunch in the city, the roof top bar cocktails and then when he said “Let’s stop one more place for a last glass of wine before we go home to the kids”  It was all amazing.  After the party and we were at home I was feeling loved and special and thought of and I told him over and over how much I appreciated what he did and how hard it must have been and how difficult I am when it comes to surprises and my birthday.  He then pulled out a tiny black velvet box and I couldn’t even believe there was more.  “What’s this?” I asked him and he smiled, chuckled a bit, which I always loved to hear and said “Open it”  It was a gorgeous silver heart necklace with tiny diamonds and the kids came running in to see my face and to all take credit for helping pick it out for me.  “It’s beautiful” I said and I was in awe of the kindness and thoughtfulness he had shown me that day.  It warmed my heart and not because of the extravagance of it, because I am a lot more simple than all of that, however he had follow through, forethought and genuine concern for making me feel special and for that I loved him even more.  It was truly a glorious day and I treasured all the memories that day gave me.  Pictures, friends, family, the kids and most importantly him. He was the reason I was in this.  He was the reason I was there.  He was the reason I did most things for this new-found family.  He is what made it all worth it.  His smile, his laugh, his attention, his caring, his kindness, his ability to make me feel loved, wanted, needed.  Without any of that none of what we were building would have been worth it. I reminded him of that all the time.  “This is about you and I, yes it’s about the kids, the house, our family, but it’s you and I”  I truly believed that.  At that moment, on that day, in the space, it was all becoming clear how worth it, it all was.  The structure, the hard work, the move, the nerves, all of it was not for naught, it was for love.  And what better reason is there to do anything?  The thought of money and where he got it and how he paid for everything was in the back of my head, but it was none of my business and certainly not the time to bring anything like that up.  He had his money and I had my money and he could do whatever he wanted with his and if part of what he wanted to do was spend some on me than so be it.  I would gladly spend it on him, the kids, the house, our life; it’s what it’s for anyway right?  Although the looming thought of how he had money for all this after knowing about the past due bills did bother me.  I knew I couldn’t operate that way.  I could not run a household of six people, four of which were teenage girls with the thought that every day something may be turned off and our lives thrown off kilter when at any given moment that could happen because as I mentioned I was living with four teenage girls.  I would get to the bottom of this.  I was sure it wasn’t some sinister plan to steal my millions of which I did not have, but I was comfortable at that time financially. He had money to do just about anything and everything he wanted, the whole nothing being paid for three months I was sure was an anomaly. Had to be right?

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