Accountability

Debt

A week or two past and for some reason I could feel tension rising in the house between Jolly guy and myself.  We were getting ready to start the addition on the house and I thought that had him a little stressed out, but I could feel something was shifting.  He was pacing, smoking a lot and generally kept to himself.  He wasn’t as involved all of a sudden as he was just a few days prior.  The girls and I would be in the living room watching TV or hanging out and he seemed to be everywhere but present with the five of us.  One night we were laying on the bed watching some fishing, boating, hiking, camping, out-door show that I had zero or less than zero interest in, but was happy to be laying with him and he says “I’m a little short to pay some bills”  I perked up and although not alarmed I did feel a twinge of energy shoot through me.  “Ok, I said, what do we need?”  I’m sure as you read that it sounds light and eager to help, I think it was said more with disdain and with a more matter of fact attitude then I meant cause he got upset. “Really?”  He said with definite annoyance creeping into his tone.  “I didn’t mean it the way it sounded, for real, what are you short on?”  I tried a little harder not to sound like a complete jerk, because like I said, he never hesitated to pay for anything; drinks, the bar tab for friends, parties, outings.  At this point I had been paying half the bills of the house and had brought the delinquent bills up to current that were each at least three months past due.  I was annoyed at that, but surely he takes care of so much I wasn’t going to throw it in his face.  Again I said “What bills?”  He started to pace and said “The taxes”  I didn’t know what he was talking about.  It wasn’t Tax Season.  “What Taxes?”  I asked with genuine ignorance.  “The house” he said flatly.  Then my mind began to race.  And all sorts of scenarios played out in my head; this isn’t my house, I’m not on the title or deed or whatever it is that your name is supposed to be on when you buy a house.  I have no lease to live here, I had nothing that was mine and although we split the mortgage as if it was me paying rent, why would I have to pay taxes?  Ok, as I began to get angry at the thought, I reminded myself, we are in this together and everything was “ours” and I lived here and he needed help and if I needed help he would do it without thinking, so I answered slowly “How much?” The number was more than I expected, but less than bail money had I killed him.  I then asked “When do you need it?”  The answer shocked me “Now”  with more embarrassment that I had originally heard in his voice.  I was livid.  What?  How the heck could he not have known that he needed that kind of money on this date and not be prepared for it?  What the heck was he doing with all his money?  And at that moment, those exact words came out of my mouth before I had a chance to stop them. “What is going on with all your money?”  and they hung in the air only for a second when before I knew it more snake-like things were spewing off my tongue “First you don’t pay your bills for months, now the taxes, you seem to have more than enough money for fun.  How about we grow up and pay our bills first because we have a household to run and kids to take care of and leave the fun for when we know we have our every day lives covered?”  And there it was just staring him in the face, my disappointment, my judgment of how he handled his money, my opinion that differed so greatly from his.  I know at that moment I had probably gone overboard, but seriously, what the heck?  I saw his face flush with anger and he stood up and with a barreling voice said “You really want me to say it?”  Say what I thought, but what I said was “YES, say it!”  I braced myself for him to say he had a drinking problem or gambling issue or it was drugs, I was not prepared for the words he said “It’s because I threw you that fucking birthday party!”  I could feel the blood drain from me as I went cold and numb.  I had no words.  I walked to my purse, wrote out the check and threw it at him.  “Here’s the money for my birthday party, prick”

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