Finding your Voice

MY House

I felt my heart sink as I thought for a second he would throw the laptop right in her face. I knew he had snapped, I knew she would not back down and I knew both of them could demolish me if I intervened.  I was screaming now at both of them to stop it when I heard the bellowing of his voice ring out so clearly, I think it could have shattered the rest of the glasses in the house and this is what he said “Get the fuck out of MY house”  Over and over he screamed at the top of his lungs.  The veins in his neck popping out and spit coming from his mouth as he threw his arms in the air yelling the words “All of you get the fuck out of MY house”  The other three kids were standing in shock, mouths hanging open and I could tears begin to fill in their eyes.  They looked to me to do something and make it stop and all I could muster was “Girls get your stuff”  It was after midnight and I was in pajamas and grabbed my children, gave his kids a nod that it would all be ok and we ran out to my car.  Where the heck was I going to go in the middle of the night?  My mind was racing as my older daughter continued to spew venom from her lips at her total and utter disgust of jolly guy who by now did not seem all that jolly anymore at all.  I screamed “SILENCE” I needed to think and with all her yapping I couldn’t wrap my head around what just happened.  I immediately called my girlfriends on a conference call.  “He just threw me and the kids out in the middle of the night.” I said almost in hysterics. They advised we drive around for a bit and calm down.  They suggested we take a few deep breaths and then in a little while return home and stay out of sight.  While we were driving around Jolly Guys daughter called in a panic.  He had left shortly after we did and she was begging for us to come home.  Home I thought?  Apparently, it was in fact, as I had always suspected, not our home at all.  I calmed her down and explained I’m sure that Jolly Guy must have just needed to go for a drive or get cigarettes and that this would all be cleared up in the morning.  We drove around for about forty minutes when I got tired and we decided to go back to HIS house.  As we approached the house all was dark and jolly guys car was parked in the driveway.  In a way where it made it almost impossible for me to fit.  Before we got out of the car my younger daughter said “Mom, I’m scared”  And with that we went inside, got some things and left.  We headed to my girlfriends house at now almost 1:30 am and with pillows and blankets in hand she opened her home and we slept on the couch.  None of us got much sleep that night.  My girls asked over and over throughout the night “Mom? Are you awake?”  And ever time I responded “Yes, now go to sleep”  That was a very long night.  In the morning, I took my younger daughter to school and my older daughter and I went to my parents house.  I was unsure of what to do next.  After the school drop off I went to the bank to get some money  for breakfast and lunch when I saw that the joint bank account was empty.  EMPTY.  Now I was in a panic.  First you go after my daughter for her swearing at you, then you throw us all out in the middle of the night, now you emptied the bank account? I again couldn’t think.  He knew I had no job because we agreed I would stay home to take care of all the kids, he knew I had no money and now I had nowhere to stay.  This was NOT good and I needed to figure some shit out effective immediately.  The only thing I could think of to do was call my therapist.  So I did and I made an appointment to see her that afternoon.  She always helped me feel grounded and since she knew our whole history I thought who better than to help me figure my stuff out then her.

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6 thoughts on “MY House

  1. How terrible to experienced that with children standing by. I have had my own screaming sessions, middle-of the-night fights and heartbreaking scenarious with my ex. All of it taught me so much– about myself and about humanity. I only regret the pain it caused my son to be emotionally abused and abandoned in his teen years by his dad. But as I have discovered, we cannot change people, hard as we try. My son learned too that some people are broken, and the way they treat you has nothing to do with you. Virtual hugs to you and yours. Sorry for the rant here. Can you tell this topic gets to me?

    Liked by 1 person

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