The Gift

There were a lot of strange idiosyncrasies about Serendipity that at another time in my life may have turned me off, but I was being open-minded.  Everyone is different right?  We need to fall in love with the person’s flaws along with all their bright and shiny parts right?  I guess, at least that’s what I was telling myself.  There were plenty of things about myself that I’m sure would make men run and has made them run, but I was getting better, stronger, more In tuned with myself.  I was working every day at being a better me and Serendipity was getting the best me thus far and I wasn’t quite sure he knew that whole heartedly.

We had a wonderful Holiday season.  Dates, dinners, city, family, parties, movies, laying on the couch making out, warm hugs and fires and wine. It was everything I had ever wanted in terms of being with a man.  He was funny and smart and sexy and handsome.  He was quirky and abrupt and old school and odd, but I liked all of it.  I even thought I could love all of it…maybe even forever.  It was like he was exactly what I had been waiting for.

Our similarities went past our interests, it went to the heart of who each of us was.  We both had values and morels and seemingly came from the same cloth.  Our families and traditions and whole system of looking at family seemed to mesh perfectly.  He talked about why he never married and how he was always waiting for the right one to come along and that he didn’t want to end up divorced like so many of his friends.  He told me about this one and that one who had terrible relationships and marriages and he didn’t want that and wouldn’t settle.  At the time it all sounded lovely and made perfect sense.  However, at 53 years old, to have never been married or even engaged, with no children, seemed, well, rather sad and lonely to me.

Yes I had bad relationships, I had difficult children, but I wasn’t alone.  I had people who loved me, who depended on me, who cared for me in a way that you can’t explain to someone who doesn’t have that.  I know in my heart that in the deepest darkest hour if I needed something or someone, I could call Gingham.  Yes we are divorced, but he loves me.  Flaws and all.  And that doesn’t go away just because you can’t be in a marriage together.  We shared something only Gingham and I could ever understand.  I felt sorry that Serendipity didn’t have that.

And children.  Well, there is nothing like the love you feel for your child.  I do not care what anyone tries to tell you.  They love their mother, their cat, their sports memorabilia, their friends, there is absolutely nothing like the love you have for your children and it almost can’t even be explained. So I won’t even begin to try.  But if you have children you get it.  It’s a lay down your life kind of love without thinking or regret.  It’s something that comes from inside you and you didn’t even know you could love something so much.

Anyway, I digress.  The holidays were upon us and what better way to spend the season of giving and cheer than with someone you are falling in love with? I can’t tell you how many Holiday’s have been broken up or ruined by being in a relationship so I don’t have high hopes for the fireside wine tasting, gift opening cuddling kind of thing, but that’s exactly what I got.  A few days before Christmas he came over to pick me up for dinner and said he had a gift for me.  I was excited, but hoping that it wasn’t something weird that would make me uncomfortable.

We got to his car and he says “Its in the car”  I looked but through his tinted windows I couldn’t see anything and I began to get nervous.  Was it a person?  He then says “I don’t want you to read into this, I just thought you could use it and you deserve it”  Now I was extremely nervous.  Good lord what was it????


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