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Only Time Will Tell

Do you ever look at someone and think, “I could marry that person?”  Well, I used to, I don’t anymore.  Don’t get me wrong, Dimples seemed to be totally marriage material.  He seemingly had everything going for him; he was smart, sexy, funny, not hilarious, but funny, he was spiritual, he was kind hearted, he was attentive.  All the makings for a perfect husband, but I wasn’t, I’m not, looking for my next husband.  There was a time when that’s all I wanted.  I wanted to be someone’s wife.  To live happily every after.  I want the happily ever after, but marriage is not my end game; Happiness is.

I am a hopeless romantic, anyone who knows me, knows this about me.  I love love, but more importantly I love to give my love and receive it back without hesitation. I didn’t really realize it until I met Dimples, but I wasn’t looking to be a blushing bride, I wasn’t looking for a ceremony and church or a beach somewhere with friends and family.  I’d done that already and so had he.  I was looking for my partner in life, my partner in crime.  Someone who wanted to walk next to me in life.  Someone who wanted to be a team; he and I against the world.  I was looking for that one special person that I could lean on, who could lean on me.  When in the happy moments we looked at each other and realized how lucky we were.  And in the horrible, hurtful, sad moments to be the people for which we gained strength from, that we were an endless support of love and encouragement even in our darkest hour.

Life was not easy.  Life was not easy for anyone, but in these carefree, weightless moments spent with Dimples I realized that he could quite possibly be that human being for me.  And I knew that I was that human being.  I knew that I was not only a good person, but an amazing person.  I no longer needed the validation from anyone to tell me that.  I was being me in every sense of the word.  I was showing my true character and even if for some reason it didn’t mesh with him or he thought I wasn’t who I said I was, I knew, in my heart that I was exactly who I portrayed myself to be.

Dimples and I had a chemistry some only dream of.  Frick and Frack were right, he was a nice guy, but was he the guy that would go the extra mile?  Was he the guy that would love me unconditionally?  Was he the guy that would see through all my dark and twisty parts and realize what he had?  Time would tell.  Someone once said to me “All you have is time”  however, patience as we know, isn’t my strong suit.  I wanted it all now.  And here’s what I wanted.  I wanted the same respect that I showed him and I got that.  I wanted to be loved and cared for and taken care of which I received from him as well.  I wanted a bond, a trust that ran so deep nothing could penetrate it, that would take time to build.

I don’t want to get married, but I wanted to apply the same values and belief system that marriage represented.  Not the marriages that I’ve been in, but the ones I’ve witnessed my whole life.  The ones that believed through thick and thin, in sickness and in health were not just words, but an oath to live by.  I wanted to apply the practicalities of marriage and every day life into my long term relationship where laughter, happiness, respect and trust were the foundation of what I was building with someone.  I am not a spring chicken and I don’t need another white dress, I need commitment, I need love, I need attention.  I needed to share and give my love freely to the ones I cared about and I wanted to do it starting that minute.

I don’t know if Dimples is THE guy, but I had a strong gut feeling that at this very moment, he sure wanted to be and I knew in my heart, I sure wanted him to be.  So Now that we were only two months in and things were going swimmingly, was there a possibility that we could take things to the next level?  And by next level I mean breaking down our barriers, seeing all the happiness that has filled our lives thus far and continue to choose each other every day.  Through thick and thin, through sickness and in health, through good times and bad?  I guess only time will tell…..

time

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