Felt Bag

The month of September was rounding out with beautiful weather, the leaves beginning to turn color and it was almost upon us; my birthday month.  I have to say for as much as I love birthday’s, I haven’t loved mine in a very long time.  I feel like birthdays are very much like New Year’s Eve all hype and a big let down in the end.  Although I had had a wonderful birthday the year before with my friends and my children, I always feel weird.  Lord knows I love to be center of attention, but when I’m making myself center of attention, on birthday’s you are center of attention by default and that makes me uncomfortable.  I am also a control freak when it comes to planning so on birthday’s I don’t get to plan it and that too makes me feel weird.

The first weekend of October my friends and I were planning a ladies weekend away for my birthday.  I was super excited to get a  days and to sit and relax with a glass of Malbec and my best friends that was my idea of perfection.  A few days before the weekend trip, Dimples informs me he has something for me.  I remind him my birthday isn’t for a few weeks still and that he could save it until then.  He insisted that he in fact could not wait until then and that he would really like to give it to me before I get anything else from anyone else.  Ok I thought.  God I hope it wasn’t anything that’s going to make me feel out of place.  We had only been seeing each other a few months and even though I was totally in love with him, he hadn’t heard me say it yet, but I was, I wasn’t ready for an awkward birthday gift exchange.  I’m better at giving gifts than receiving gifts.  It makes me feel A) in control and 2) all warm inside to see someone’s face light up when they get something that I’ve put some thought into.

He arrived at my house and I was making us dinner, when he was standing by my center kitchen island looking all pleased with himself yet a tiny bit apprehensive.  I said what I normally say when he looks like that “What?”  then he puts a small felt like bag on the counter.  He says “This is for you.”  I approach the bag as if there could possibly be poison or a centipede inside; I’m cautious.  I gently went for the bag as he began to give me a speech on why he was giving me this now and how he just wanted me to have it and on and on.  I explained for him to take a breath and that’s when I saw it….the shimmering glistening silver in the light from the overheads.  It sparkled and I was elated when I saw what it was. It was my favorite word. It was the word that helped me keep going.  It was the word that instantly made me feel better every single time I saw it.

I pulled it out of the bag and began to get a little choked up.  It was a beautiful, silver necklace that was the word Believe.  I jumped into his arms and was ecstatic at how totally perfect it was for me.  Simple, beautiful and meaningful.  The best kind of gift to get.  Something I cherish every day and wear as often as possible.  The script of the word in the necklace matched my tattoo perfectly.  The word is all over my house subtly in places and on things and I love it.  It epitomizes all things for me.  Believe in yourself, believe things will get better, believe that you can do it, believe there is something out there bigger than yourself, believe in the possibilities and believe in the magic.  All of it.  In one word.  That I would now wear around my neck, close to my heart.  This was a perfect gift for me.  I gave him a giant hug and big ass kiss and thanked him profusely.

He seemed genuinely pleased and happy that I liked it so much and explained that it was the first part in a two part series of my birthday gifts.  That he wanted to make sure I went into my birthday weekend believing I was going to have a wonderful time, believing that he cared about me and believing in he & I.  He was definitely listening, he was definitely paying attention.  He was in tuned with me and what I loved and what was important to me.  It was understated and absolutely a beautiful gift.  I could only imagine what part two would be, if part one was so on point.  Now I would have to wait three more weeks to find out!


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