Love

Freedom Friday -Growing Self Love Out Of Devastating Seeds Of Rejection

Rejection has a way of planting seeds of doubt into your heart and mind.  Leaving your brain ready to absorb it as your truth.

What is rejection? To refuse to have, take, recognize, or accept something or someone.  

At some point in your life, you have felt rejected, and it hurts.

Rejection can have devastating effects on your emotions, thinking, and behavior. It is human nature to crave love and affection. The urge to belong.

Be it within a group of friends, in a relationship, family, even at the workplace, the feeling is there, for some deep in their subconscious. For others right at the surface.

When you feel rejected, your need to belong is destabilized – enter hurt, pain, loneliness, disconnect.

I am thirty- three, so not even middle-aged, and I cannot tell you how many times I have been rejected. Let’s just say too many times. Different people rejected me for different reasons.

Often, the rejection came out of the blue.

This changed who my mood, self-esteem, and motivation. My self- worth became non-existent.

If I was lucky, I anticipated, expected, and was prepared for it.

I became distant, introverted, and self-critical. There was nothing I could do right otherwise, I would have never been rejected.

I pushed people away before they had the chance to hurt me. Cut off friendships when I felt a slight bit of rejection. Get them before they get you right?

My sadness would manifest itself as anger. I could not even accept compliments. Someone would say “You look nice today”, I would respond with an “Oh OK” or  “Hmmm- thanks”, all the while thinking what an idiot and a%$ this person was for being sarcastic and making fun of me.

As if I don’t already hate myself enough. Can I get a break? Just go a single day without being reminded of my worthlessness?

Would they treat me like this if they knew the REAL reason I couldn’t wait to leave work to go home? It was because I needed to get into my bed to sob my heart out. Beg God for the 10,874th time to please take me as I sleep.

Crazy? – No.  Absurd – Maybe. My Truth – Yes.

Fast forward to September 2015. I had given birth to my first child, my darling son just three months before. I would always sit and watch him sleep. On one particular day, I was feeding him and thought about all the fun things we would do when he can walk and talk.

Then it hit me.

Will I ever be able to free myself enough to have fun and laughter without having to force or fake it? Would my baby ever meet the real me? The happy confident, life loving me that had buried somewhere deep down for years?  In that moment, I knew I had to free myself from this self-made trap. Make a change. I say self-made because I realized that I was choosing unhappiness over love.

It was time to reassess my strategy in the way I viewed life.

You know how people say, “take it one day at a time?” So cliché, I know, but I had to do just that.

I decided to embark on a journey of positive affirmations and good vibes. The first three weeks were the toughest.

My feelings thoughts and feelings were all over the place. I would say something positive to myself, and the next minute a hundred negative thoughts would replace it. Slowly but surely I started to replace negativity with positivity.

“You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind.”

Have you ever lost in your world of low self- esteem? I am no expert, but here is my Attitude to Love List.

Accept Yourself – This is who you are

Be emotionally honest – Stand by your truth

Consciously change your mental attitude – With positive affirmations

Detox your life of toxic people – You will be better off for it

Empower yourself – Make this a daily habit

Forgive yourself – Mistakes are where they should be (in the past)

Guidance – Seek it from those who love you

Hold on to the positives – Let go of the negatives

Intentions are good – Make it an intention to have a good day

Just enjoy the moment

Keep going – You will get through it

Love yourself – Do something nice for yourself every single day

I am still learning by doing. Taking charge of my life has not been easy.

In the process, I have lost people I love by removing toxic people from my life. I am doing better and will continue to be better, stronger, wiser, and happier.

Make this journey and adventure called life the best you can.

You have one life with no do overs.

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My name is Sheri and I am a wife, mother of the sweetest little boy in the world, a lover of personal growth/self development, world traveler and a foodie!  I began writing a few months ago as a way to put my thoughts and feelings down on paper (or more specifically – on the computer) I then found the courage to begin my blog, to share my experiences and thoughts in the hope of helping at least one person. If I can achieve that in my journey of finding myself, I will have accomplished something.

You can connect with me here:

http://www.abusybeeslife.com/

http://www.facebook.com/abusybeeslife

http://www.instagram.com/abusybeeslife

http://www.twitter.com/abusybeeslife

http://www.pinterest.com/abusybeeslife

 

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4 thoughts on “Freedom Friday -Growing Self Love Out Of Devastating Seeds Of Rejection

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