Love

The Day After Blindside

“Back To The Story”

I left my girlfriend’s house and wasn’t sure what to do.  I don’t know about you, but when I’m upset, happy, sad, angry or virtually any emotion all I want is my mom. So as I drove in silence in my car fully composed I headed to my parent’s house. I arrived at their door and still had myself under control until my mother looked up at me and asked “Everything ok?”  I broke down into tears and all I could muster was “Dimples broke up with me”  My parents were in disbelief.  They looked at me with shocked looks on their faces and I’m sure didn’t know what to say.  We had been here together many a time my parents and I, but this was different.  Dimples and I were happy.  Dimples and I were in love.  Dimples and I were supposed to be the one that made it to the finish line.  He was THE guy.

I went through the course of events from the past few days bringing them up to speed and they were in as much shock as I was.  They felt betrayed and a sense of loss.  I cold see them feeling sorry for me and that’s when I had to get my shit together, wipe off my tears and head home.  I didn’t want pity, I just needed a shoulder to cry on and some sound advice.  I got both.  I went home, put on my pajamas and my purple robe and crawled into bed all pathetic and feeling sorry for myself.  Why.  Why is this happening?  Where the hell did we go wrong?  I couldn’t make sense of any of it.  It was like I had gotten shot straight through the heart and every bone in my body ached.  None of this made sense to me and I wasn’t going to get any answers that’s for sure.  He didn’t even want to talk to me, he did this through text.   Which basically just means I don’t even want to see you.  It’s just over.

I was not grasping this at all.  I knew I had to get myself together cause it was getting late and I had work the next morning.  I do not miss work for break ups.  I broke up so frequently it seemed that I never allowed it to affect my work.  I was not one of those girls that would end up crying at my desk and need to leave.  I was not about to let this affect my whole life and yet I was paralyzed.  Unable to move even my eyelids.  They wouldn’t close, they wouldn’t cry, they just  stared up at the ceiling trying to comprehend that I would now live a life without Dimples in it.  I couldn’t bear the thought.  It was more than I could take.

The next morning I felt it very hard to get out of bed or my purple bathrobe. I got into the shower, got myself dressed and off to work.  It was like operating through mud.  Know that feeling?  Like the world is on your shoulders and you are struggling just to maintain some sort of composure?  That was my first day after blindside.  There would be many more to come, but the first is the worst.  At least that’s what I thought.

the-day

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