Change · Love

Here For You

Although when the text came through it definitely stung, but I was desperately trying  to not make it about me.  This was about him.  He was having a hard time, he had had a really rotten few weeks and he just needed time to clear his head.  I knew that I had done nothing wrong, so I wasn’t going to act as if I did.  I didn’t like that he was shutting me out, but there was nothing I could do except let him know that I there for him.  A few times throughout the day I sent a text here and there saying things like “I’m thinking of you”, “I hope you’re ok.”, “I’m here for you.”

I didn’t get any texts back most of the day which proved to make me very on edge.  I went over and over the events of the last three days.  There wasn’t anything in there I could find that he could be upset  with me about was there?  Friday, we had drinks, hung out, said I love you  and goodnight and then Saturday, didn’t hear anything except one text that there wasn’t enough time (which there totally  was) to see me and now this.  Hmm…It made me very uncomfortable.  Seems I wasn’t doing a very good job of not making it all about me.  But honestly, what was I to think?  It went from non stop time together, so in love, thank god we have each other to two days later…..nothing.  NOTHING!

I laid on my couch that Sunday with the Christmas decorations all around me, the twinkling of the tiny white lights, candles on, Hallmark Station set, in my comfy clothes with the dog on my lap and I thought to myself; My life is pretty freakin great.  I mean, yes this section right now wasn’t perfect, but overall….I had come a long way.  In just a little over a year I had created this winter wonderland that was my home, had my two girls healthy, had the unconditional love of my sweet animals, had a great job that I was excelling at and even started writing…..all in all….I was pretty proud of myself.  It actually took Dimples not being around that weekend for me to focus on me and see that life was about how you chose to see it.  I chose to see all the wonderful abundances life had afforded me and it gave me a warm, safe, happy feeling. Or maybe that was just the always happy ending of the Hallmark Channel movies.  Not sure, but at that moment, it wasn’t about Dimples and it WAS all about me.

I sent him my last text of the day, being I thought I’d continue to act as I would on any other day, again, I didn’t do anything wrong so this wasn’t about him being mad at me.  It was about his “stuff”  right?  The text read something along the lines of “I hope you are ok.  I know you’ve had a rough go of it lately, but I hope you know I love you and am here for you.  Goodnight.  I love you.”  I was content with my efforts to be the “good” girlfriend.  About twenty minutes later my phone went “ping” and it was him.  A very flat, very succinct; “Goodnight.  Love you too.” And that was that.

2016

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